It’s hard to predict when you will need to step away. I’ve never been good at anticipating it, but I know how it feels when it arrives.  It’s usually in moments of grappling, discontent, or stress that I’m triggered to step away, without even thinking about the destination. 

It can feel like fleeing, but this urge to move is really the need for new energy.  If you know what energy you need, you will know what direction to step. Sometimes we need to shift into calm. Sometimes we need energy that motivates.  What do you need? 

Step back and contemplate. Think deeply, carefully, and fully. Land in the parts of life you tend to push through, stuff down, or gloss over. 

Step into nature. My yoga teacher Charu Rachlis says it’s always there to help you find the most direct path to your highest self.

Step up and make a decision. Then wear it for a while and see what energy it creates.

Step out of your comfort zone.  Feel the surge of energy that comes from taking a risk, feeling your edge.

Step away, mindfully.  Just stop.  Or go.  Whatever you need to create space for new energy to come in. I stopped writing for a bit.  I felt the need to refuel that tank.  I just spent a long weekend with a dear friend. I needed space from my day to day life. 

And then there’s the Two Step.  I was in a cowboy bar in Dallas last weekend watching the leather boots on the crowded dance floor sliding, twirling, and stomping.  The Two Step is a rhythm of two steps right and one step left.  It’s simple, but requires concentration.  I gave it whirl and it was pure fun! 

When you aren’t sure what step to take, the Two Step always works. Move in the direction of delight! You will receive fresh energy, expansiveness, and a new spring in your step.

I entered the cab, my family tumbling in behind me, and saw a well-loved guitar resting in the front seat.  My heart instantly warmed.  I wasn’t sure why.  

We pulled away from the airport curb and the taxi driver immediately put on his personal mix CD of slow latin luscious music.  He gave my husband a few bars to settle in and then handed him an egg shaker (mini maraca).  In a Russian accent he said,  “Go ahead and try.”

It was one AM.  We had been traveling for fifteen hours.  Taking a rhythm test was hardly the mood in the front seat. My girls and I silently waited to see what Alex would do.  He started slowly . . . shake shake tap.  Shake shake tap. Nope, that wasn’t it.

Tap shake tap. Tap shake tap.  Closer, but not quite with the music.

The large bald head behind the wheel nodded along and then gave encouragement, “It’s harder when the music is slow.”

We all listened more intently with this new knowledge and with the second shaker Mr. Cabbie pulled out to add more rhythm to the melody.

I had to try.  It was harder to go slow than I thought.

I went to bed knowing that we had received an important message.  In the morning I understood it.

Most of us just finished a wonderful period of Thanksgiving slow. Lazy days without routine or rhythm.  Now comes the first week of December.  We will be tempted to dive in, fast paced, in our normal rhythm that is easy because it’s the beat we always play.  But what if we were to consciously try to find a slower rhythm as we begin and end our days. 

It will be harder to maintain the rhythm at first.  But we will be more focused.  More expansive.  More creative and kind.  

Take out your imaginary shaker and try this song for practice.  You can do it!

What is your definition of balance? For example, do you see balance as a horizon or a daily activity?  Is it a feeling or a technique?  Is it more about saying no to others or building a greater capacity to say yes to yourself?

I have learned from exploring themes around balance with many women in my Delight programs, that balance is very personal. 

I was recently interviewed by Balanced Mom Magazine. It was a moment of reflection in my own journey.  Claiming to be a balanced mom is not easy, no matter how much you formally study it or informally work at it.  Feeling balanced can be as elusive as feeling your full beauty, competence, or courage.  The term balancing “act” makes complete sense, doesn’t it?  

For me, balance is a practice of creating space for mindfulness and renewal, managing the quality and quantity of your energy and growing in self compassion.  Together they create a center within us that becomes our axis.

My favorite yoga teacher, Charu Rachlis, once shared the metaphor, "Finding your center is like throwing clay on a potter’s wheel. It is the most difficult part of the process, but once you find your center, it’s what allows you to keep your symmetry, no matter how fast the wheel of life spins."

Here are a few more of my favorite Balance Seeds of Wisdom from some of my favorite teachers

• "It’s important to hold a strong enough sense of self  that life never feels bigger than you are." -- Michele McAdams, Jefferson Elementary School Social Worker

• "Balance is not an endpoint in itself but rather a tool of flexibility that you apply as you work towards what’s most important to you."  -- Jenn Beverage, Life Coach

• "You must push down in order to stand up. Grounding is a critical part of healing." -- Brad Yantzer, Human Form, Function and Energy Healer

• “Poets have never used the word balance for good reason . . .  It’s too obvious and therefore untrustworthy; it is also a deadly boring concept and seems to speak as much to being stuck and immovable, as much as harmony.”  -- David Whyte, The Three Marriages. New York: Riverhead Books, 2009.

It’s a part of life that we always know is there. Sometimes we need it more than others. Sometimes we are the one who is needed.  Friendship.  Women supporting, knowing, celebrating each other.

Our friends offer a space for deep honesty, to try on different dreams, test our own ability to love unconditionally and continue to practice receiving.

This weekend I found myself curled up on my couch with two wonderful friends for a spontaneous, very brief, but very real sharing. I realized that I am being held up all the time by my girlfriends’ unspoken understanding of what it means to be a woman; now, here, in all of its beauty and complexity.

And when I want to shrink, it’s my friends who are most able to help me find sure footing and continue to grow.

It is that historical, powerful, yet quiet truth of women supporting women that helps our world stay afloat in the worst of times.  Now more than ever it is taking shape beyond personal friendships to a global movement of women knowing we all need to be a collective strength in order to see any shift happen for our next generation.

My wise friend Shasta Nelson, the CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com, shares so eloquently in her blog,

“Friendships let us practice being the people this world needs. We can practice:
*   cheering for people even when we’re jealous.
*   listening even when we think we’re right.
*   empathy even when we’re tempted to judge.
*   serving even when we’re busy.
*   saying “I forgive you” even when we’re disappointed.”

I think these are beautiful reasons to practice mindful friendships. Shasta also has a new book that launches today! – Friendships Don’t Just Happen!, The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of Girlfriends. I was just at her book signing last night. Check it out!

It’s not often we take time to honor our friendships.  I hope some time, during this month of love, you do.  And remember, as my teabag told me this morning, the whole world becomes your friend when you practice compassion.

Blessings,
Amy      

PS. Join me on V-Day, February 14, along with hundreds at City Hall in San Francisco or at an event near you to dance as part of One Billion Rising, a movement to end violence against women around the globe.

What makes you feel safe? 

A roof over your head?

A leader you trust?

Money in the bank?   A strong military?

Your faith?

A clean bill of health?

A stable job?

How about organic food . . .  a flu vaccine . . . seat belts . . . contraception  . . . a home security system . . .  not watching the news?

Living in America?

Feeling loved?

We all felt the intense uncertainty of this week as our Nation prepared to ride out Hurricane Sandy.  Its awful aftermath served to shift the fear many of us hold around the Presidential election to real matters of life, death, survival, and coming together in profound and necessary ways.

Ultimately, I think feeling safe is about knowing you are not alone.  

When all the scaffolding we create in life falls or blows or floats away, we are left with the one innate force that guided us from the moment we entered this world as infants.  It’s what stopped our tears.

Knowing you are not alone can take many forms.  You can find security in a family, a friendship, a pet, a partnership, a community.  You can find connection with a greater life force.  

Perhaps the most intimate and often the most fleeting sense of not being alone is finding that connection within your Self.   Can you feel safe within your Self?  How do you get there?  It can feel like searching for a light in the darkness.  But within your powerfully rooted center there is a space that is safe.  It can hold you. It knows you.  It can guide you and soothe you.  In that place, when you are able to be with yourself and trust … you are not alone.

She is 97.  With a beautiful heart, failing legs, and a mind that some would say is failing too.

I see it a little differently.  I see a mind that has loosened its grip in a way we all desire.  Letting go of anxiety, to do lists, the need for comparison, planning for the future, regret.

She’s my grandmother and she has dementia.  It’s a condition caused by the gradual death of brain cells.

The space that has emerged is filled with humor, freedom, candidness, peace, pointed wisdom at times and an innate ability to be in the present.

There is also confusion, the sense of something not being quite right, and a loss of memories.  For those who love her, there's a sadness when they aren't recognized. Yet we always have an intimate visit with my grandmother’s inner soul.

And in her moments of clarity, her most authentic self steps forward loving and appreciating this world.   She now relaxes into daily gratitude. She trusts.  She feels.  She sleeps soundly.  She accepts.

At this point, dementia has removed layers of the mind in my grandmother that bury the soul in all of us.  Layers of thought, personality, memories that become our story, fear of the future.

It’s too early to say it’s a gift, but for sure it’s a lesson in what is pure . . . how beautiful an untethered heart and soul can be.  And, no matter the age, when a soul bares itself, we must hold and love it with the same compassion we hold a child.

Today, maybe we try loosening the grip of our own mind. Let’s relax into the present, allow our emotions to surface freely, let go of self judgement, and rest in a space of trust.

Let my life become ~

The unfolding of me.

A winding path to my inner content.

A daily blessing that I recognize.

An inner wisdom from my own life lessons.

A redefinition of achievement.

A full experience of love.

An unexpected garden of inspiration.

A freedom in knowing myself.

A refined focus on balance.

A constant wave of kindness that carries others.

A contributing part of the greater journey for all.

A beautiful becoming.

Blessings,
Amy

ps. This unexpected vertical garden is on the side of Drew High School in San Francisco.

There is a lot of focus, research, and desire for energy in our world right now.  I am no expert.  All I know is that when I woke up this morning, I didn’t have enough.  After struggling for an hour I had the luxury of crawling back in bed for twenty minutes.  It made all the difference.  

I have spent the last two years doing an independent study on energy that won’t lead to any degree but has significantly altered my life.  It started when I was diagnosed with hypo-thyroidism, an auto immune condition that can completely drain you of energy if untreated.

I have learned what you already know too.

Energy impacts everything.

It is our ability to get through the day with grace.

It’s the fuel that brings passion to our relationships, our bedroom, our projects, our life’s meaning.

Energy is a space you create in the company of others.

It can create focus or frenzy, depending on how you manage it.

It is the pockets in our body that hold our emotions, working for us or against us, ideally through us.

We can manage energy through the foods we eat, the sleep we get, the endorphins we generate with exercise, and I believe, most importantly, the space we create to connect with it.

We can collect energy not just in moments of rest, but also in moments of inspiration, calm, achievement, love, reflection, connection, exploration, or gratitude.

As we grow in awareness and respect for ourselves as a body of energy, we can hone in on our patterns of thought and actions, the beliefs we carry, and the habits we practice that either fuel or deplete us.

For example, this week I practiced the mantra, “I live my life with ease.”  I need to say it hourly. It’s amazing, energy-giving medicine.  When we lighten up on ourselves, there is more space for energy to enter in.  It seeps into our cells between our breaths, our thoughts, and our moments of calm.

Fear, anger, insecurity, doubt, guilt, blame, regret are all slow energy leaks.

Creating a loving discipline for managing your energy is important because the more energy you have, the more you can share with others, without it being at the expense of yourself.

Let this weekend be an experiment in determining what you need to be fully energized.  Refuel and then share it lovingly.