Category: Joy

When you Admire Up Close

5/2/2015

Artist: LeeAnn Brook

Have you noticed how often you admire from afar? Someone’s shoes, home, smile, kindness, parenting, courage, intelligence, accomplishments, intuition, talent . . . It can show up in shades of pure awe to downright jealousy. Admiration is an energy. It bubbles up inside of us so quickly that I believe its source is not in your head, but rather somewhere in between your heart and your gut.

Our gut holds the mixed-up emotions. “I want to be this too.” Comparison. Withholding. Competition. Scarcity.

Our heart shows up pure. Inspired. Grateful to experience the other and learn from them. Curious how they embody what they do. Delighted in what you see. Desirous . . . yes. But mudita is at the core of heart centered admiration.

Mudita is Sanskrit word for unselfish joy. This beautiful Buddhist practice is cultivated when we can experience another’s happiness and blessings without envy. Its foundation lies in our ability to see the abundance of life’s blessings, regardless of whether they shower us or others.

This can feel like an unnatural place to land when we’ve been conditioned to believe in the scarcity of a hyper-competitive world. I have two suggestions to find mudita.

Last night my meditation teacher shared his grounded response to whatever life delivers, “Right now, this is perfect.” If that is a hard sentence to form, try “imperfectly perfect”. It’s a trusting, neutral place to receive our present moment and those of others in their own journeys.

And then there is the opportunity to admire up close, rather than from afar. The more distance there is between you and your admiration, the more space there is for your gut and head to get involved. A few examples: when you are eyeing up a woman’s shoes, give her a compliment; pay attention to the ease with which co-worker accomplishes a task and tell him; when you observe a friend starting a new chapter in life, articulate what inspires you about their momentum.

Recently I received an email about an art exhibit. The artist’s work drew me in so deeply I decided to reach out and let her know. And here’s where the beauty of mudita unfolds. We talked, connected, and became inspired to offer a class together! Life blossomed.

Withheld admiration is not just wasted energy, it’s life force stopped in its tracks. During this new spring season, tune in and let your heart deliver fresh energy to others by sharing all that you admire and love.

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When Gift Lists Make You Cranky

12/21/2014

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“I don’t really need anything . . . and I really don’t feel like coming up with a list.” This was my answer to my mother’s sweet inquiry into my Christmas wishes. I hung up and felt a bit cranky and lame. On the one hand you could call me content. But I had a hankering to dig a little deeper, especially given the two page Christmas list I received from my four year old nephew. Some of my favorites were: spiderweb making machine to save people; food tray for bathtub in case I get hungry; rubber bands that can go round you and are white so you look like an egg; and a rocket that can launch to heaven.

During adulthood I seem to have narrowed this exercise to items that can be purchased, and preferably online with no shipping charges. No wonder the exercise is no fun! So I found a moment of quiet, took a deep breath, and asked the question slowly and seriously, “What do I really want this year?”

My answers felt great to write down. Try it!

To crawl in bed with a smile and peace.
To really know what my daughters are thinking and feeling.
To commit to a really big trip so I can relax and know I’m going to explore the world in due time.
To release old clothes that don’t make me feel fabulous.
To shower every morning with a day’s destination that brings me energy.
To meditate before making dinner so that I start the evening grounded and more energized.
To connect with new friends in a deeper way.
To do more playful things in San Francisco.
To paint with others that can teach and inspire me.
To make time to read.
To connect with my husband in ways that are meaningful to him.
To finish a project.
To mix it up.
To feel strong in my body.
To join a circle.
To laugh. A lot.

What I love most about this list is that I can actually it give it to others and with a little thought, they can give me gifts to make it come true! Now I’m excited for Christmas.

I hope you find a list that deeply excites you too! And that when you share it with others, the magic of giving and receiving this season unfolds in a brand new way.

Merry Christmas!
Amy

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Too Busy to Know

5/12/2014

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My initial reaction was, “I’m too busy to know.” I didn’t say this out loud. It felt like an answer that should easily flow. And the too busy part . . . well, I didn’t want to whine.

The question was, “What do you want to do on Mother’s Day?” I have other questions also lined up waiting for an answer.

What questions are you carrying because you are too busy to drop into that deep place of knowing?

In life there is always something making us busy. For me the end of school year crazies are putting me in a spin. But I don’t want to be too busy to know what I want in life. I don’t want to be too busy to feel the sun, especially on days like today, when it’s begging me to notice it.

I don’t want to be too busy to...
  Work on big ideas
Celebrate others
  Read
Start important conversations . . . and complete them
  Make love
Hear my child
  Care for my body
Stoke my passions
  Nurture meaningful friendships
Be playful
  Connect with the hearts of others along my daily path

Yep, that’s it. That’s the answer. I know what I want to do on Mother’s Day. How about you?

Blessings,
Amy

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Stepping Away

4/14/2014

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It’s hard to predict when you will need to step away. I’ve never been good at anticipating it, but I know how it feels when it arrives. It’s usually in moments of grappling, discontent, or stress that I’m triggered to step away, without even thinking about the destination.

It can feel like fleeing, but this urge to move is really the need for new energy. If you know what energy you need, you will know what direction to step. Sometimes we need to shift into calm. Sometimes we need energy that motivates. What do you need?

Step back and contemplate. Think deeply, carefully, and fully. Land in the parts of life you tend to push through, stuff down, or gloss over.

Step into nature. My yoga teacher Charu Rachlis says it’s always there to help you find the most direct path to your highest self.

Step up and make a decision. Then wear it for a while and see what energy it creates.

Step out of your comfort zone. Feel the surge of energy that comes from taking a risk, feeling your edge.

Step away, mindfully. Just stop. Or go. Whatever you need to create space for new energy to come in. I stopped writing for a bit. I felt the need to refuel that tank. I just spent a long weekend with a dear friend. I needed space from my day to day life.

And then there’s the Two Step. I was in a cowboy bar in Dallas last weekend watching the leather boots on the crowded dance floor sliding, twirling, and stomping. The Two Step is a rhythm of two steps right and one step left. It’s simple, but requires concentration. I gave it whirl and it was pure fun!

When you aren’t sure what step to take, the Two Step always works. Move in the direction of delight! You will receive fresh energy, expansiveness, and a new spring in your step.

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Lighten Up

8/12/2013

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How playful are you? How easily can you shift into a place of lightness?

I know I take life too seriously. I may appear light and playful, but often on the inside I am anything but. Can you relate?

Sometimes our bodies have to tell us to lighten up. My back went out last month. Last week I went to Las Vegas and got hives. Literally, all over my body. Not necessarily surprising. Vegas can do that. But to me, the hives symbolized a place of stress that my body, mind and emotions go, even when there isn’t obvious reason to. Even the corners of my natural smile turn down. I actually have to work at my grin!

My husband looks at me and scratches his head. He is a great example of someone who uses play as a strategy for lightening his load. One night at dinner he jumped up from the dinner table and announced he was going to be late.

“For what?” I asked.

“For my D.J. lessons!”

He forgot to tell me.

The next night, no joke, he pulls me aside, “Don’t tell the girls but I signed up for trampoline lessons tonight. I want to surprise them and do a backflip!”

Disappointed he came back after an hour, only learning safety procedures and seat drops; but that didn’t stop him.

The next day he came home late and bruised, “Babe, you’ve got to try Krav Maga! It’s amazing!”
It’s summer time, a natural time of year to relax a little and play a bit more. It is important. You know the research. It releases all of the good hormones, keeps us young, and awakens the creative, crusty corners of our brain.

Martha Beck, in her book Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, talks about play being sacred; a path to wordlessness and expansion. She also shares that most humans resist learning “something substantially new” once they reach the age of 23.

How can you be more playful this summer?

I started small by practicing my smile constantly. It has lightened everything: shopping, driving, typing. Try it! I’m going to seek out small moments to be lighter in my decisions and reactions.

I committed to play more with my daughters this summer. I'm talking about sustained, engaged, active play. I'm not sure why this is so difficult, but I know I’m not alone. I also know it's important for all of us to model playful behavior for our children to counter the compulsive over-working way of life that grips us all.

Work has playful possibilities too. Preparing for the launch of my book has been weighing me down. This week I decided to approach it as a playful project. I already feel more creativity seeping into me! Is there an area of your work life that feels heavy right now? Can you reframe your relationship with it?

And when it comes to trying something new, I’m going to follow Alex to his next class . . . actually I just learned it’s going to be kite boarding, so maybe not. If you have an experience you want to try, let me know. I’ll be your buddy!

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Shall we be untraditional?

5/6/2011

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I wasn't going to do a Mother's Day retreat this Sunday. I had a sense of obligation to be traditional . . . you know, maybe brunch, a family walk, cards, adoration, togetherness. Yet the closer Sunday is getting, the more my desire is brewing to call the shots. After all, its our day!

Whether or not you are a mother, I invite you to use this day to fulfill an unspoken desire in honor of all us who are working hard to find our voice.

The fact is, our husbands and/or children would love some guidance on how to make us brilliantly happy on Sunday. So make sure you give them the gift of spelling it out. And for me, celebrating YOU, would be my perfect Mother's Day.

Otherwise, you could get what I received yesterday . . .a knock on the door from an FTD florist, who handed me a box. I quickly began to savor the moment while opening the box, pulling out a "Hanging Spring Basket" of silk and plastic flowers. Dumbfounded, I read the card. It was from my husband with a beautiful message from the heart.

I had a choice to make at that moment. What would you do? I decided to receive it lovingly with a gentle question, "Honey, did you know you bought me plastic flowers for Mother's Day?"

His answer kept me teetering in ambivalence, "Are you kidding? I bought them so we didn't lose airline miles. The ad said nothing about being fake!" Honestly, his sincere love note was worth the means of delivery.

I am taking him off the hook, as well as my year-round bouquet, and inviting you to join me this Mother's Day to play, celebrate, rest, connect, and honor the fine craft of motherhood ~ a job, a gift, a duty, a blessing.

I hope your Sunday is joy-filled!

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Seven Layer Joy

3/17/2011

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Joy is such a big word.
How would you describe your relationship with Joy? I think we experience it in layers:

There is a baseline innate Joy that rests in us. It's the same source that makes babies smile at six weeks and prods children to skip instead of walk. We may not skip regularly, but we each know this open-hearted place of warmth when we are in it.

There is layer of Joy that is transparent. It's a window that we select. And when we look through it, we consciously define the light and energy of Joy that we invite in, moment by moment. This Joy is a place we operate out of and a muscle of gratitude that we can strengthen.

There is a Joy that's 'out there'; that we yearn for, seek, remember, wait for and or create. This layer can be applied. But like paint, it may not turn out to be exactly as expected and may start to chip. It can be based on true desires, like "I need a nap to be more joyful." It can also involve the waiting game, "I'll be happier when . . . "

There is Joy that is delivered to us on a silver platter and sometimes ripped out from under us with no warning. Some may call this layer blessings, luck, karma, destiny, fate. It can feel unsettling either way because we recognize it's not within our control.

And there is a societal layer of Joy that defines how much we need and at the same time, telling us to feel guilty when we seek too much. You know . . . the advertisement telling you to take a cruise versus the two weeks of vacation you actually have banked. And some cultures are more joy-centered than others.

So to me, Joy has many layers, each seeming to get more complex, less accurate, and easier to get caught up in.

True Joy is our deepest layer; which may explain why it seems so hard to find. It's the one we are born with. It is pure, constant, and closest to our heart and soul. It feeds us when we let it.

If you aren't sure how to connect with this source of Joy, try paying attention to your senses: the shift that happens when you listen to 'good' music, the smell of dinner cooking, the feel of clean sheets. Hang out with a child. Children actually live in a state of joy naturally because they are in the present. Try taking a deep breath and smiling . . . for no reason. It can be that simple.

PS. Try holding it a little longer next time. It really does wonders.

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Dancing with Indulgence

1/31/2011

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The New Year is here. And today I have a question burning the tip of my tongue. What is your relationship with indulgence? Do you like the word? What's so bad about being indulgent? To be indulgent is defined as: To take pleasure in; To satisfy the wishes of; To give in to.*

This morning my seven year old daughter was trying to convince me to make her six pancakes so she could stack them. I insisted that she make and eat one at a time. Finally she looked me in the eyes and said, "Mommy, everything is better with 6! Like 6 flowers in a bouquet. Like 6 members in a family! Like 6 dice in Yatzee!"

As I write, my husband is out with buddies in the parking lot of Tennessee Valley grilling his homemade bacon and eggs and brewing coffee before mountain biking.

My family seems to be quite comfortable with indulgence. Again, defined as: an inability to resist the gratification of whims and desires.*

I believe women are uniquely wired to resist gratification unless we consciously work at it. And the cost of denying ourselves often impacts our health, our relationships, our own sense of self, our inner joy.

So my New Year's wish for you is to listen carefully to your whispers of want. Let indulgence be a part of your lexicon. Embrace it once in a while and see how it spills over into life around you.

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Amy Tirion
About Me
Advocate for Stillness, Seeker of Inspiration, Playful Mom, Grateful Spouse, Lover of Creativity, Still Learning, Believer in Women, Founder of Delight for the Soul

Check Out My New Book Knowing Beautiful:
A New Bedtime Story for Women

Becoming
This blog is an invitation to stop. Breathe. And tap into the part of you that craves more space, inspiration, and nurturing. It captures the writings from my Delight for the Soul Newsletter. They are personal moments of reflection, inspiration, and questioning that focus on Being rather than Doing. It's a direction we are all invited to go in, as we live deeply and do less. The more we focus on being, the more delighted we become . . . and the more becoming we are.

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