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Too Busy to Know

5/12/2014

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My initial reaction was, “I’m too busy to know.”  I didn’t say this out loud.  It felt like an answer that should easily flow.  And the too busy part . . . well, I didn’t want to whine. 

The question was, “What do you want to do on Mother’s Day?”  I have other questions also lined up waiting for an answer. 

What questions are you carrying because you are too busy to drop into that deep place of knowing?

In life there is always something making us busy.  For me the end of school year crazies are putting me in a spin.  But I don’t want to be too busy to know what I want in life.  I don’t want to be too busy to feel the sun, especially on days like today, when it’s begging me to notice it. 

I don’t want to be too busy to...
  Work on big ideas
Celebrate others
  Read
Start important conversations . . . and complete them
  Make love
Hear my child
  Care for my body
Stoke my passions
  Nurture meaningful friendships
Be playful
  Connect with the hearts of others along my daily path

Yep, that’s it.  That’s the answer.  I know what I want to do on Mother’s Day.  How about you?

Blessings,
Amy
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Stepping Away

4/14/2014

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It’s hard to predict when you will need to step away. I’ve never been good at anticipating it, but I know how it feels when it arrives.  It’s usually in moments of grappling, discontent, or stress that I’m triggered to step away, without even thinking about the destination. 

It can feel like fleeing, but this urge to move is really the need for new energy.  If you know what energy you need, you will know what direction to step. Sometimes we need to shift into calm. Sometimes we need energy that motivates.  What do you need? 

Step back and contemplate. Think deeply, carefully, and fully. Land in the parts of life you tend to push through, stuff down, or gloss over. 

Step into nature. My yoga teacher Charu Rachlis says it’s always there to help you find the most direct path to your highest self.

Step up and make a decision. Then wear it for a while and see what energy it creates.

Step out of your comfort zone.  Feel the surge of energy that comes from taking a risk, feeling your edge.

Step away, mindfully.  Just stop.  Or go.  Whatever you need to create space for new energy to come in. I stopped writing for a bit.  I felt the need to refuel that tank.  I just spent a long weekend with a dear friend. I needed space from my day to day life. 

And then there’s the Two Step.  I was in a cowboy bar in Dallas last weekend watching the leather boots on the crowded dance floor sliding, twirling, and stomping.  The Two Step is a rhythm of two steps right and one step left.  It’s simple, but requires concentration.  I gave it whirl and it was pure fun! 

When you aren’t sure what step to take, the Two Step always works. Move in the direction of delight! You will receive fresh energy, expansiveness, and a new spring in your step.
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What is Time Well Spent?

10/29/2013

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This week I decided to try a new recipe. That’s as far as I got.  As soon as I started thinking about the time required to find one, my chest tightened and I headed for my To Do list. Eventually I came back from Trader Joe’s with my usual arsenal of dinners for the week.

It’s a funny thing - how we define Time Well Spent. It’s very personal.   

We all know someone (or we are a person) who:
  • Delights in experimenting in the kitchen
  • Exercises more times in a week than most do in a month
  • Alphabetizes her spice rack with glee
  • Creates purposeful, playful, and present time with their children
  • Passionately burns the candle of their career climb
  • Meticulously designs the details of their home, their wardrobe, or yard
  • Has an insatiable appetite for books
  • Always remembers the birthday, writes the letter, reaches out, makes time for a coffee
  • Has a disciplined practice for centering in prayer, meditation, journaling, or solitude

You get the idea.  We allow ourselves some activities more than others and the guilt free list tends to be short.  It’s fueled by our values ~ what is a worthy endeavor, what brings us satisfaction, how we define accomplishment, what adds to our own sense of self.

l left Trader Joes determined to break my patterns.  I headed straight for Bed Bath and Beyond, where I bought kitchen organizers.  Rearranging an unexpected corner was a gift of calm. I allowed myself some time to find a few new recipes that felt good to make. Today I finally started to help my daughter with a garden she has been requesting for weeks.  With each activity I gave myself permission to enjoy, take my time, and be present.  It was true Time Well Spent.

At this point in our evolution, with all of the economic and technological advances in our society, researchers predicted we would be enjoying significantly more free time.  Yet our culture spins unnaturally fast on a scarcity model, where free time is rarely free from priotizing, justifying, or micro-managing.

There’s no one right definition of Time Well Spent.  However, I believe there is a universal gift we receive in expanding our definition: new energy, new experiences, new learnings, new joy.

What would you like to add to your guilt-free list?  If you need encouragement to spend this time, reach out to the seasoned artist, designer, athlete, gardener, or entrepreneur that you know.  Listen to their authentic enthusiasm.  It will help you be open to new possibilities for your own.
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Lighten Up

8/12/2013

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How playful are you? How easily can you shift into a place of lightness?  

I know I take life too seriously. I may appear light and playful, but often on the inside I am anything but.  Can you relate?

Sometimes our bodies have to tell us to lighten up. My back went out last month.  Last week I went to Las Vegas and got hives.  Literally, all over my body.  Not necessarily surprising.  Vegas can do that.  But to me, the hives symbolized a place of stress that my body, mind and emotions go, even when there isn’t obvious reason to. Even the corners of my natural smile turn down.  I actually have to work at my grin!

My husband looks at me and scratches his head.  He is a great example of someone who uses play as a strategy for lightening his load.  One night at dinner he jumped up from the dinner table and announced he was going to be late.  

“For what?” I asked.

“For my D.J. lessons!”

He forgot to tell me.

The next night, no joke, he pulls me aside, “Don’t tell the girls but I signed up for trampoline lessons tonight.  I want to surprise them and do a backflip!”  

Disappointed he came back after an hour, only learning safety procedures and seat drops; but that didn’t stop him.

The next day he came home late and bruised, “Babe, you’ve got to try Krav Maga!  It’s amazing!”
  It’s summer time, a natural time of year to relax a little and play a bit more.  It is important.  You know the research.  It releases all of the good hormones, keeps us young, and awakens the creative, crusty corners of our brain.  

Martha Beck, in her book Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, talks about play being sacred; a path to wordlessness and expansion.  She also shares that most humans resist learning  “something substantially new” once they reach the age of 23.

How can you be more playful this summer?

I started small by practicing my smile constantly.  It has lightened everything: shopping, driving, typing. Try it! I’m going to seek out small moments to be lighter in my decisions and reactions. 

I committed to play more with my daughters this summer.  I'm talking about sustained, engaged, active play.  I'm not sure why this is so difficult, but I know I’m not alone.  I also know it's important for all of us to model playful behavior for our children to counter the compulsive over-working way of life that grips us all. 

Work has playful possibilities too. Preparing for the launch of my book has been weighing me down. This week I decided to approach it as a playful project.  I already feel more creativity seeping into me!  Is there an area of your work life that feels heavy right now? Can you reframe your relationship with it?

And when it comes to trying something new, I’m going to follow Alex to his next class . . . actually I just learned it’s going to be kite boarding, so maybe not. If you have an experience you want to try, let me know. I’ll be your buddy!

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What do you want to do?

5/9/2012

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Do you know what you’d like to do on Mother's Day?  Have you asked for it?  Let me help . . .

I would like to rest.

I would like to be cared for by others.

I would like a delicious meal not prepared in my kitchen.

I would like something a tad indulgent.

I would like space to connect with myself.

I would like to play.

I would like to end the day feeling deep happiness, physically stretched and pampered, newly inspired, and energized.

Whatever the perfect day may be for you, create it!  Ask for it!  Allow it to happen!
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Do You Play with Your Children?

12/15/2011

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_How much do you play with your children?

I don’t play much with mine.  It makes me sad.

At the end of a weekend I often find myself measuring my parenting performance:  Did they get exercise, a play date, nutritious meals, a bath, enough sleep?  

Then I have to answer “Did I give them quality time?”  I sometimes do in spurts.  Or we talk about it.  Or we start to play. . . until the phone rings . . .

This week we had our usual family discussion (okay . . .threat) about giving away our guinea pigs.  It always ends in tears, my daughter saying, “Just because I don’t play with them, doesn’t mean I don’t love them!”  I understand all too well.


The intention to play always slips away even though I know deep down that ~


~  Sitting on the ground and playing cards with them grounds me.
~  The instant joy on their face when we play Wii becomes mine.
~  I hear what’s under the surface when I’m under the covers holding them.
~  I need a mental break as much as they do when we draw.
~  Gardening or cooking together makes my chores feel like play.
~  When we all stop and throw a ball together we become a closer and kinder family.


My daughter Aria last night said, “I miss Daddy.”  My husband hasn’t been traveling. He works at home most days.  This missing is all happening under one roof.

Maybe this holiday season instead of telling our kids “No more screen time”, we could start by stepping away from ours.  Maybe after dragging them to our holiday parties we pull them onto our laps.  Maybe the next time they want someone to play with, that someone could be us . . . the gift of time.


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Get Caught in the Act

6/20/2011

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Do you ever feel like you have to keep your rare indulgences a secret?  Why do we feel like reporting our pleasure is less honorable than reporting our aches?

Last week I took my daughters to the dentist and boldly asked if it would be all right if I ran a quick errand.  "Sure.  Just be back in 30 minutes," I was told.

So for the first time ever, I left my two girls, mouths wide open, watching High School Musical on the ceiling, and dashed to Nordstroms.  I ran straight to the make up counter to buy one item.  Then the question came, "Is there anything else I can do for you?  Do you have time to play?" . . . .

Before I knew it, I was getting "smokey eyes". I intently learned about the many steps required for the look I'm sure will be passe before I ever try it. I glanced at my watch. Who knew smokey eyes took 20 minutes!Looking overly fabulous for 9:30 am, I raced back to the dentist exactly nine minutes late. They still recognized me,

"Mrs. Tirion, we tried calling, but couldn't reach you.  We were hoping to do a procedure . . . "Both of my girls were patiently propped on their chairs examining my eyes and my words as I apologized.  And as we left the office, I realized I had a choice to make.  I chose to honor pleasure.

"Mommy was offered a gift.  I learned something new.  And I feel pretty.  What do you think?" 

I am inviting you to take a little extra time for yourself, even nine minutes. And then tell somebody about it!  Plant the seed in others.

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Men Are Better

2/5/2011

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Women are good at a lot of things, but let's admit it:  men are better at play . . . pure, uninterrupted, guilt-free play.

I believe men can teach us a great deal about claiming pleasure. 

We witness men rallying around weekend play like a dog with a ball looking for his master.  We see most men taking the time they want and need without pause.  If you are starting to feel a charge brewing inside, don't.  We need to honor this trait and learn from it.

Speaking of brewing.  Who is more likely to crack open a beer before 5:00 pm in your house? And why is that?  I'll tell you.  Men were not born with the "couldn't possibly gene."  For example, do any of these resonate with you?
  • I couldn't possibly go to bed before the kitchen is clean.
  • I couldn't possibly go away for a girls' weekend.
  • I couldn't possibly take a detour on the way home to go shopping just for me.
  • I couldn't possibly sit and watch an entire football game.
  • I couldn't possibly stay in bed and read a bit before feeding my kids breakfast.
During this month, I invite you to play, out of love for yourself. I have tickets to see my favorite ballet company.  What might you do?

And if this feels too indulgent, I suggest you pass this on to your favorite man and ask for a little help: 

HOW TO HELP WOMEN EMBRACE PLAY
  • When you see her forgetting to exhale, suggest she take a break. You may need to show her how. 
  • Remind her that every time she asks for a hall pass, you say Yes.
  • Encourage her to stay in bed and read while you make breakfast.  (Don't worry, she probably won't take you up on it, but you'll get major credit.)
  • Invite her to join you the next time you are looking for someone to play catch.
  • And if none of these work, give her a mandatory hall pass, even if she hasn't asked for one.

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Dancing with Indulgence

1/31/2011

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The New Year is here.  And today I have a question burning the tip of my tongue.  What is your relationship with indulgence?  Do you like the word? What's so bad about being indulgent?  To be indulgent is defined as: To take pleasure in; To satisfy the wishes of; To give in to.* 

This morning my seven year old daughter was trying to convince me to make her six pancakes so she could stack them.  I insisted that she make and eat one at a time.  Finally she looked me in the eyes and said, "Mommy, everything is better with 6!  Like 6 flowers in a bouquet. Like 6 members in a family!  Like 6 dice in Yatzee!"

As I write, my husband is out with buddies in the parking lot of Tennessee Valley grilling his homemade bacon and eggs and brewing coffee before mountain biking.

My family seems to be quite comfortable with indulgence.  Again, defined as: an inability to resist the gratification of whims and desires.* 

I believe women are uniquely wired to resist gratification unless we consciously work at it. And the cost of denying ourselves often impacts our health, our relationships, our own sense of self, our inner joy.

So my New Year's wish for you is to listen carefully to your whispers of want.  Let indulgence be a part of your lexicon. Embrace it once in a while and see how it spills over into life around you.

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    Amy Tirion
    About Me
    Advocate for Stillness, Seeker of Inspiration, Playful Mom, Lover of Creativity, Still Learning, Believer in Women,  Founder of Delight for the Soul

    Check Out My New Book Knowing Beautiful:
    A New Bedtime Story for Women

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    Becoming
    This blog is an invitation to stop.  Breathe.  And tap into the part of you that craves more space, inspiration, and nurturing.  It captures the writings from my Delight for the Soul Newsletter.  They are personal moments of reflection, inspiration, and questioning that focus on Being rather than Doing.  It's a direction we are all invited to go in, as we live deeply and do less.  The more we focus on being, the more delighted we become . . . and the more becoming we are.


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