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Showing Up

9/15/2015

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Darkness had settled in for the night and the desert temperature was falling.  It was my first time at Burning Man, a festival devoted to acts of gift giving, self expression and community that is “too hard to describe”. After repeatedly hearing, ”You just have to experience it”, I decided it was time.

One night my husband and I found ourselves overwhelmed by the sensory explosion. There were no longer any visible paths to the mile-wide center, known as the Playa.  We had to lift our bicycles over our heads and step through the sea of bikes that appeared, chasing the big name DJ line up.  We heard there was a Tiki Bar at the fence, the outermost barrier of Burning Man's temporary city. So we put on our goggles and started to peddle into the darkness, away from the carnival of lights and sounds.  

There are no markings in the desert at night. It’s an incredibly freeing experience to bike as fast and as far as you want, knowing the small fence will protect you from the desire to peddle forever. My hands started to chill against the handle bars; still no sign of our destination.

Then a small glowing light came into view.  After another ten minutes we found ourselves standing at a booth just large enough for the bartender to sit on a cooler. 

“Welcome to the Dusty Pineapple. We like to say the drinks are average but the music’s great; however, I’m having some trouble with the music,” the bartender explained as he wiggled the wires producing sporadic sound.

We were welcomed with a hug and handed a half-filled cup of rum and warm coke. We were delighted! His welcome was elixir enough. The bartender, affectionately named Dad, was the leader of a small camp of people who come in from all over the country to man the Tiki Bar. This year he didn’t think he could make it, but decided he had to show up, so he boarded a plane from South America.

Dad settled back onto his perch, “I’m so humbled that you came out here. Usually if eight people come it’s a good night!”

And there he sat . . .  in the vast darkness . . . waiting with a gift . . . for those who show up.

A huge wave of gratitude came over me. Biking the miles home, tears chilled my cheeks as I thought about the lesson I had received.

We wake up every morning and go to bed each night.  In between there is a vast space of hours that is ours whether we show up or not.  Showing up isn’t easy. It takes energy and commitment.  It means not shrinking when we bump up against discomfort; connecting again and again with our inherent value so that we share the best part of ourselves with others; and it means trusting enough to loosen our grip so that the gravity of life’s flow can pull us in the direction we are meant to follow.

There are a lot of ways to experience Burning Man.  For me, it was the surprising, magical way people showed up for each other in this self proclaimed “do-ocracy” that makes this grand heart-centered experiment worth the drive, the dust, the noise and the heat. I want to continue to explore open hearted living. Want to join me?

Leave your emotional armor at the gate.

Replace judgement with hugs.

Trust that others have your back.

Tune into the single experience we all share on this earth.

And then show up for others in the most generous, tender, wondrous way you can.

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Untethered

10/26/2012

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She is 97.  With a beautiful heart, failing legs, and a mind that some would say is failing too.

I see it a little differently.  I see a mind that has loosened its grip in a way we all desire.  Letting go of anxiety, to do lists, the need for comparison, planning for the future, regret.

She’s my grandmother and she has dementia.  It’s a condition caused by the gradual death of brain cells.

The space that has emerged is filled with humor, freedom, candidness, peace, pointed wisdom at times and an innate ability to be in the present.

There is also confusion, the sense of something not being quite right, and a loss of memories.  For those who love her, there's a sadness when they aren't recognized. Yet we always have an intimate visit with my grandmother’s inner soul.

And in her moments of clarity, her most authentic self steps forward loving and appreciating this world.   She now relaxes into daily gratitude. She trusts.  She feels.  She sleeps soundly.  She accepts.

At this point, dementia has removed layers of the mind in my grandmother that bury the soul in all of us.  Layers of thought, personality, memories that become our story, fear of the future.

It’s too early to say it’s a gift, but for sure it’s a lesson in what is pure . . . how beautiful an untethered heart and soul can be.  And, no matter the age, when a soul bares itself, we must hold and love it with the same compassion we hold a child.

Today, maybe we try loosening the grip of our own mind. Let’s relax into the present, allow our emotions to surface freely, let go of self judgement, and rest in a space of trust.
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Disappointment

8/17/2012

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What is your relationship with disappointment?  I've had a ring of disappointments enter my radar this month; of my friends, my family, my own.  They each have a familiar beginning and middle: hope, effort, anticipation, disappointment.

The end to these stories tends to be very private. After disappointment, there is a final chapter of processing and healing required to close the loop.

The Olympics was an amazing example of intense disappointment mixed with storybook victory.  I watched with such respect for these athletes.  I would love to read their last chapters to learn more about their relationship with disappointment. I know it's different from mine.

Athletes like gymnast Jordan Jovtchev from Bulgaria in his 6th Olympic games, train their whole life to “succeed” or to “fail”, staring disappointment squarely and publicly in the face, over and over.

I’m in a different camp.  I seem to work around potential life disappointments, living safely and predictably. Whenever I attempt to avoid disappointments, I ultimately create them, in the form of regret.  

So how do we create a healthy relationship with disappointment?

Buddhism has a basic belief that disappointment is caused by attachment to expectations - the root of human suffering.  

But how do we manifest a full life and detach ourselves from it at the same time?

How do we find the motivation to fuel our hard work without having expectations about the outcome?

Is life supposed to be just a wait-and-see exercise with pleasant surprises sprinkled in?

How do we let go of expectations without feeling stagnant or unfocused?

Maybe a healthy relationship with life and its disappointments means facing this emotion directly, regularly, and consciously.
  • Loosening the grip of our dreams and desires without losing sight of them, so we can better appreciate the journey while still steering our life.
     
  • Being more comfortable putting ourselves out there and then letting go, trusting the unfolding of life.

If we want to go for a medal in any area of our lives, we need to practice being vulnerable and strengthening our core sense of “wholeness” regardless of the outcome.

The spirit of Sunday's Closing Ceremonies embodied the Last Chapter we all want to write. It's about celebrating our best efforts, embracing those who land "ahead" and "behind" us, having mutual respect for our collective journey and honoring all of our courage along the way.
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When It's Broken

5/22/2012

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In life things break.  Right now I have a broken toe, dishwasher again, a favorite bowl, a chipped friendship, and a little broken dream.

When something breaks it requires our attention.  I can tell you from experience, if you don’t stop and tend to it you will get a foot in a walking cast, piles of dirty dishes, glass splinters, a nagging conscience, and chronic malaise.   

No matter how aggravating, uncomfortable, or overwhelming it may be, the sooner we deal with what’s broken, the lighter we become.

Whether it requires patience for a slow heal, help from others, piecing it together or letting it go . . . doing the work is the important exercise.  

When material things break, we are immediately reminded of what really matters in life.  When we physically break, it’s a forced exercise in self care.  When parts of our lives feel broken, we are invited to find our most vulnerable and most strong selves.  All gifts in life.

What’s broken for you? Might it be life’s invitation to slow down, pay attention, and do the work?

May “Doing the Work” in your life be less about fixing and more about accepting imperfection, being comfortable with the uncomfortable, knowing when to let go, feeling your strength, healing with your heart, and lightening your load.

And while we work on ourselves, may we all continue to work together to heal our broken world.  It needs us.
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Our Truth

3/11/2012

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Have you ever looked at something so square in the face that you knew it was the truth?  Felt something so in your core that it had to be? 

The absolute truth.

About yourself . . . another . . . a relationship . . .  your circumstance . . .  the state of . . . the reason why . . .
And then what happens?

You embellish . . . hold it up . . . nail it down  . . . circle around it, telling your truth over and over until it requires no more thought.

It just is.

It's such an easy solid path.

How quickly the ground begins to move when we have the strength, the time, and the discipline to be open to the truth being not mine or yours, but somewhere in the middle.

An expanded truth requires space, courage, and vulnerability to ~

Go back.
Maybe forgive.
Or apologize.
Let go.
Relax into the possibility.
Feel.
Stay open.
Re-connect.
Emerge.
Grow.

May you soften and strengthen as you grow in truth.
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Finding Your Voice

2/7/2012

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How comfortable are you using your voice? Speaking up.  Articulating your gifts, your value, your needs, your opinion, your fullest, wisest self?

Today I was asked to articulate my expertise, along with twenty other women.  We each tried it.  We stumbled, mumbled, and tried again. 

The most amazing part of this exercise was the gift we gave each other . . . one by one, the group was able to reflect back, with beautiful clarity, the fullness of each of our gifts which we were uncomfortable to claim ourselves.

What greatness inside of you do you need help embracing?   Try this: 

    I want . . .

            I know . . .

                    I am  . . .

                            I can . . .

Let your thoughts unfold.  Let your words flow.  Do it with a smile.  Feel a little uncomfortable.  Then read it.  And re-read it.  Maybe put it in a stamped envelope addressed to yourself, mail it, and open it again in three days.  Be that someone else who believes in your full beauty, strengths, and gifts.  As this part of you unfolds, know that the world is waiting to receive You.

And then do it for a friend.  Let her know what you see in her.  Give her the nudge to embrace her fullest self.

Sometimes our greatest truths are the most vulnerable parts of us.  This truth wants to be heard.  It needs a voice.  And it needs to know that the universe is waiting with compassionate ears. 

What would you like to claim with joy and sureness? 

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Where do You Find Courage?

1/8/2012

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Does lack of courage ever frustrate you?  Being timid can be so draining.  I am personally tired from it.  

The energy we use to create self-limiting thoughts directly impacts how much precious time and energy we have left for authentic living.


I believe that each of us has our own pocket of courage that we can turn to for proof that it’s in us.  Whether it’s our natural ability to parent, make hard choices, run a marathon, manage our career, work on our weaknesses, nurture our relationships, try something new, or be honest, there is something that we naturally do, where our courage isn’t questioned.  What is your place of natural bravery?

I don’t have a clear formula for daily courageous living, but I do know what’s required to dabble in it.  Courage requires vulnerability, comfort with discomfort, and inspiration.

I was blessed to meet author, Marianne Williamson last week and hear her speak.  Her most widely known quote leaves me raw and inspired every time I read it.  May this passage help you find the courage that is ready and waiting for you. 


“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

(A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles", Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3)


May you find your light,
Amy

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Who Really Knows You?

7/31/2011

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What does it feel like to be really known?

This week I had the blessing of time with a friend I see only once a year.  It’s one of the most important few hours of my year, because my soul opens, is held, and is fed.

There is very little in life that feels better than being known. To me, it means having a connection with someone who:
    Invites me to put my deepest self into words,
    Holds my vulnerability with love,
    Is able to feel my emotions as their own,
    Gives me insights into myself,
    Inspires me to continue to unfold, when I feel like shrinking,
    Helps me see my blind spots, ever so gently,
    Fuels me with a fresh belief in myself,
    Being known is being loved. 

Who brings you energy?  Who helps you breathe more deeply?  Who opens your heart?

Take a moment to feel this blessing.

And then let them know the depth of their gift.

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What is Your Perception of You?

4/22/2011

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Do you recall the last time your self perception was challenged by someone?  

I was just told by my dishwasher repairman that I am listed as an "Abusive User" on their service log by the last two repairmen that serviced my dishwasher. 

I gasped.  Declared him to be ridiculous.  Ranted about the poor design of my dishwasher and left the room, slightly grinning.

You may ponder the accuracy of the verdict, knowing that I've called for a repair three times this year.
The truth:  I learned I have a highly sensitive dishwasher that can't handle the slightest particle of food.  So my dear dishwasher truly feels abused.

In the end, being blind-sided by my dishwasher opened me up to the unknown possibility of other gaps in my perception of self. A little unsettling I must admit.

I decided this week, instead of cursing the low performing model, I would try to use the extra time required to pre-wash my plates before washing them.  I'm going to ask for openness in seeing the impacts I have on others and to be gentle with myself as I learn to do a better job finding the crumbs.

We spend so much time in front of the sink. I invite you to use that time as a moving meditation of sorts.  Take an honest look inward, invite in what you need, or be open to receiving what the universe delivers, in whatever form it arrives.
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What Feels Big?

1/31/2011

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What is feeling big in your life right now?

My daughter got a new bike for her birthday.  It feels big. Really big for her tiny frame.  And she's excited!  I joined her on her maiden voyage this week, coaching and watching from behind as she tackled the San Fransisco hills with her new hand brakes and gears, dodged trash cans on narrow sidewalks, boldly entered four-way intersections, navigated bike lanes, and just barely missed a few dogs.

She did it all with quiet determination, grace, and bravery.

I realized that when we are children, facing something big is almost a daily part of life.  We have fears, we fall down, get bruised, cry, get up, and get back on our 'bikes'.  It becomes a natural process that we don't question, because we know we are kids growing up. 

And then we 'grow up' and somehow we take on the idea that the world should fit us.  And when it feels too big, we try to fit life into a box labeled "comfortable".  We start living safely.  So safely, that when we fall down, recovery can often feel insurmountable.

I think I'm going to give the word 'grown up' a rest.  I want to embrace myself as a work in progress.  I invite you to join me.  Let's compassionately sit with feelings that we think we should have out grown: feeling awkward, off balance, afraid, embarrassed, exposed, judged, small.

We now have the wisdom of age which should give us more comfort:  We know we are all in this together.  People really don't care. Or at least won't remember.  Life is short.

So let's not make it small too . . . what size bike are you riding?  I hope it's one that has room to grow.

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    Amy Tirion
    About Me
    Advocate for Stillness, Seeker of Inspiration, Playful Mom, Lover of Creativity, Still Learning, Believer in Women,  Founder of Delight for the Soul

    Check Out My New Book Knowing Beautiful:
    A New Bedtime Story for Women

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    Becoming
    This blog is an invitation to stop.  Breathe.  And tap into the part of you that craves more space, inspiration, and nurturing.  It captures the writings from my Delight for the Soul Newsletter.  They are personal moments of reflection, inspiration, and questioning that focus on Being rather than Doing.  It's a direction we are all invited to go in, as we live deeply and do less.  The more we focus on being, the more delighted we become . . . and the more becoming we are.


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