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Too Busy to Know

5/12/2014

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My initial reaction was, “I’m too busy to know.”  I didn’t say this out loud.  It felt like an answer that should easily flow.  And the too busy part . . . well, I didn’t want to whine. 

The question was, “What do you want to do on Mother’s Day?”  I have other questions also lined up waiting for an answer. 

What questions are you carrying because you are too busy to drop into that deep place of knowing?

In life there is always something making us busy.  For me the end of school year crazies are putting me in a spin.  But I don’t want to be too busy to know what I want in life.  I don’t want to be too busy to feel the sun, especially on days like today, when it’s begging me to notice it. 

I don’t want to be too busy to...
  Work on big ideas
Celebrate others
  Read
Start important conversations . . . and complete them
  Make love
Hear my child
  Care for my body
Stoke my passions
  Nurture meaningful friendships
Be playful
  Connect with the hearts of others along my daily path

Yep, that’s it.  That’s the answer.  I know what I want to do on Mother’s Day.  How about you?

Blessings,
Amy
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Tending to Life

2/10/2014

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Sometimes needs can’t be ignored: a car that doesn’t start, a sick child, an argument, a leaking roof.  This urgent straight forward “tending to” is a constant part of life.

This week I found myself in tune with a different layer of "tending to".  My eyes landed on my silver teapot that hasn’t been polished in a year.  I took an extra moment to look at myself in the mirror and plainly saw the need for a hair appointment.  It was my daughter's birthday and I had a momentary desire to make a cake from scratch rather than out of a box.  As I was standing in line at the dry cleaners I thought about the fact that my mother washed and ironed all of my father’s shirts.

There was a time when tending to life fit.  When silver was polished, cakes were made from scratch and mothers mended. It’s the stuff that in our modern world can feel unimportant or easy to outsource; able to be put off, not mission critical.

Yet everywhere I looked, something was staring back saying, “deal with me”. This part of life can't truly be ignored. You still see it and feel it weighing you down. What keeps calling out to you?

There is a difference between, "dealing with" and "tending to". They have different energies. Can you feel it? To Tend is defined as: To pay attention.

What if you allowed yourself to pay attention to the people and parts in your life that are asking for care, love, time. What if you tended to them without guilt or stress . . . with full breaths that create a sense that it is time well spent?

I decided to let myself be free this week to do some of the little and big things that I dance around, avoiding, week after week. I worked with an amazing rockstar organizer and cleaned up my garage. I dusted the leaves of a plant.  I polished some silver. I mended a sweater. I checked in on a neighbor.

The beautiful part of tending to life, is that life responds and smiles back at you.  Your heart warms. You slow down, nurture, and are nurtured in return. You become more connected with all the parts of life that are there for you: your surroundings, your belongings, your loved ones, your own heart.
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Peace Chasers

11/19/2013

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It was a rare peaceful moment.  All the day’s work was neatly stacked on my desk and in my mind.  The driving was over. Although dinner was in front of me and my daughter and a friend were madly baking in the kitchen, I found myself sitting on my bed, chatting with a friend behind a closed door.

Our conversation veered from decisions and stresses to emotions and desires. Then Jenna said, “I just want to live a life with peace for my family and for me.”  

Yes.  The sentence sunk in and settled deep.

There is so much buzz about happiness right now: choosing it, raising it, hardwiring it; but I’m voting for peace. Peace has a different quality about it.  It’s a bit more weighty.  I imagine grounding in peace, like lying on the expanse of sand at Ocean Beach.  

We continued to toss around the complexity of our lives and it became apparent to both of us that you cannot chase peace.  The very act of pushing your way towards it removes the prize.

The times when we most intensely seek peace is often when there is an underlying change that needs to happen.  The focus of my decade of corporate change management work was always to move people and organizations through a change as fast as possible with minimal disruption.

But the more I focus on personal change, I understand that sitting in the space of disruption is meaningful time spent, as unpeaceful as it feels.  

This week I spoke with author Dr. Susan Plummer about her new book Deep Change.  She outlines a fascinating seven-stage process on the journey of deep personal change. Right smack in the middle of the journey is the shift of The Stilling:

“Where we arrive at the threshold between our known selves and world and what can feel like nothingness, with no new horizon in sight, suspended between two ways of being. In this state we wait, with our imaginations stilled, open to the unknown yet unaware of what is to come in the future.”

I breathed a sigh of relief while reading these words that put shape to a nebulous unsettling space.  Peace percolates from within our place of deep knowing. You can’t race to or push through or chase after it. Connecting to your powerful inner rudder requires stillness.

And then with your compass in hand, peace can mean action: big, bold, uncomfortable, risky action . . . that embraces the change that's been brewing and brings you that freedom known as peace.

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What is Time Well Spent?

10/29/2013

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This week I decided to try a new recipe. That’s as far as I got.  As soon as I started thinking about the time required to find one, my chest tightened and I headed for my To Do list. Eventually I came back from Trader Joe’s with my usual arsenal of dinners for the week.

It’s a funny thing - how we define Time Well Spent. It’s very personal.   

We all know someone (or we are a person) who:
  • Delights in experimenting in the kitchen
  • Exercises more times in a week than most do in a month
  • Alphabetizes her spice rack with glee
  • Creates purposeful, playful, and present time with their children
  • Passionately burns the candle of their career climb
  • Meticulously designs the details of their home, their wardrobe, or yard
  • Has an insatiable appetite for books
  • Always remembers the birthday, writes the letter, reaches out, makes time for a coffee
  • Has a disciplined practice for centering in prayer, meditation, journaling, or solitude

You get the idea.  We allow ourselves some activities more than others and the guilt free list tends to be short.  It’s fueled by our values ~ what is a worthy endeavor, what brings us satisfaction, how we define accomplishment, what adds to our own sense of self.

l left Trader Joes determined to break my patterns.  I headed straight for Bed Bath and Beyond, where I bought kitchen organizers.  Rearranging an unexpected corner was a gift of calm. I allowed myself some time to find a few new recipes that felt good to make. Today I finally started to help my daughter with a garden she has been requesting for weeks.  With each activity I gave myself permission to enjoy, take my time, and be present.  It was true Time Well Spent.

At this point in our evolution, with all of the economic and technological advances in our society, researchers predicted we would be enjoying significantly more free time.  Yet our culture spins unnaturally fast on a scarcity model, where free time is rarely free from priotizing, justifying, or micro-managing.

There’s no one right definition of Time Well Spent.  However, I believe there is a universal gift we receive in expanding our definition: new energy, new experiences, new learnings, new joy.

What would you like to add to your guilt-free list?  If you need encouragement to spend this time, reach out to the seasoned artist, designer, athlete, gardener, or entrepreneur that you know.  Listen to their authentic enthusiasm.  It will help you be open to new possibilities for your own.
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Grace of Space

9/2/2012

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Once in a while you find yourself in a place where space transcends time.  Where minutes lose their grip and space breathes life into your soul.

This summer I was off the grid on a family vacation in Yellowstone.  We started in the town of Big Sky, Montana; a name that sounds redundant.  Aren’t all skies big?... Until you are there.

The expansive sky, prairies, and mountains invite you to feel the grace of space.  Grace . . .  as Webster's defines, the “unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration.”

Our souls aren’t linear.  They don’t ask for timelines.  They ask for the roundness of space.

It was our first attempt at a big family road trip.  And as predicted, we had a whining backseat with their own requests, “I just want to shop!”, “Geysers give me headaches!”, “When are we going to start having fun?”

Eventually the grace of space seeped in and they opened, softened and blossomed with energy.

Like a small child, our soul can’t put its needs into words. Instead it sometimes shuts down, leaving us with a nondescript heaviness or cries out, leaving us with an aching tightness.

My family experienced the healing that comes from the grace of space.  Now comes the classic post vacation question: How can we continue to create space to tend to our souls in our over-wound, time-based world?

I think it starts with mindfully clearing space in those moments that we do have.  Full attention, single tasking, consciously slowing down, and listening for quiet in the mind or the depth of our breath . . .  our internal space.

If that doesn’t work, take one moment to connect with grace.  Look up at the big sky, feel some grass, smell a flower, listen for a bird, find the roundness of your soul in tonight’s moon.
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Don't Rush the Sky

6/22/2012

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Last night I stayed up until one a.m. figuring out a problem.  At first, I forced a quick answer and moved on.  But I had been carrying a heavy uncomfortable feeling inside.  I knew I needed to go back and try again.  I needed to take the time to get it right.

When I eventually crawled into bed, feeling lighter . . . aligned, I remembered the advice from one of my most respected guides. 

It was the morning of her fifth birthday party.  The backyard was set up for a day of play and the sky was set up for a day of rain. I said to my daughter, “Oh I hope the rain comes soon so it’s nice for your party.”

Aria replied, “Mommy, don’t rush the sky! How would you feel if all the grass died, if all the leaves on the trees were crunchy, if all the flower petals fell off?"

It can be so hard to let life unfold at its natural pace.  Our current societal race invites us to push through decisions, emotions, moments of not knowing, so we don’t fall further behind. But often life’s unfolding takes sitting with it, circling back, waiting for the clouds to pass.

When we try to “Rush the Sky”, we often ~

~ miss cues
~ misinterpret barriers as something to push harder against
~ live with an incessant circle of mental analysis
~ feel off balance or ungrounded
~ use up our energy faster than we can restore it

There is a sense of stillness in a clear sky, even though we know it’s in constant motion. When life feels clear and sunny, there is greater opportunity to focus on your pace and create space for your inner compass.

When life rains upon you, it’s a bit more unnatural to slow down and be in it. The first reaction is to run for cover.  But, I invite you to try mindfully getting wet.  Know that your roots are growing stronger and that by drinking it in drop by drop, you will blossom.


My Teacher ~  A Lesson in Mindfully Getting Wet:
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The Pace of Self Care

3/29/2012

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Have you ever watched a cat bathe herself?  It's a lovely example of mindful self care. 

It's a ritual that starts with finding the warmth of a sunny spot near a window.  The bath has a beginning and an end.  It's a rhythm, precise and slow.  

Watching becomes meditative.  It seems quite the luxury of time that only a cat has.  But I think the lesson is about pace, not the amount of time.

The unprecedented pace of our society has created a  belief that every minute needs to be wrung dry. This express lane speed of life has also created an alarming degree of burnout, fragmentation, and need for self care: physical, mental, and emotional.

Self care requires a slower pace.  We need to down-shift our actions and our busy minds enough to be able to receive our own signals.  

Even ten minutes, when used mindfully, can nourish your body.  Be present and slow.  Extend your inhales... and your exhales.  Get horizontal for even two minutes to allow your body to let go totally and to give your senses a break.  Slowing down for self care might mean slicing fresh fruit to add nutrients to your breakfast or drinking an extra glass of water.

And when your soul needs care, feel its tugs. Retreat for a few precious moments of quiet.  Ask the question that will invite in clarity.  Hold the emotion that feels big.  Reach out when you need support.  Soothe your heart with your own love. Indulge in inspiration to shift your energy. 

May you to find a warm spot in the sun or rain and begin your bath. 

Blessings,
Amy
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Do You Play with Your Children?

12/15/2011

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_How much do you play with your children?

I don’t play much with mine.  It makes me sad.

At the end of a weekend I often find myself measuring my parenting performance:  Did they get exercise, a play date, nutritious meals, a bath, enough sleep?  

Then I have to answer “Did I give them quality time?”  I sometimes do in spurts.  Or we talk about it.  Or we start to play. . . until the phone rings . . .

This week we had our usual family discussion (okay . . .threat) about giving away our guinea pigs.  It always ends in tears, my daughter saying, “Just because I don’t play with them, doesn’t mean I don’t love them!”  I understand all too well.


The intention to play always slips away even though I know deep down that ~


~  Sitting on the ground and playing cards with them grounds me.
~  The instant joy on their face when we play Wii becomes mine.
~  I hear what’s under the surface when I’m under the covers holding them.
~  I need a mental break as much as they do when we draw.
~  Gardening or cooking together makes my chores feel like play.
~  When we all stop and throw a ball together we become a closer and kinder family.


My daughter Aria last night said, “I miss Daddy.”  My husband hasn’t been traveling. He works at home most days.  This missing is all happening under one roof.

Maybe this holiday season instead of telling our kids “No more screen time”, we could start by stepping away from ours.  Maybe after dragging them to our holiday parties we pull them onto our laps.  Maybe the next time they want someone to play with, that someone could be us . . . the gift of time.


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When You Can't Stop Time

9/5/2011

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Summer . . . Childhood . . . Life . . .  all precious.  All fleeting.

Every summer seems to have a surprisingly abrupt end, no matter how many wonderfully slow moments comprise it.

And childhood is no different.  

Whether we look back at our own childhood or watch our offspring grow up before our eyes, childhood is an intense blur of life’s best magic mixed with some of its harshest lessons.

Over the last few weeks we lost a beautiful mother and member of my school community quite suddenly, right before her children’s first day of school.

There is a density in the air I breathe right now.  I think it is my effort to stop time.  I am grasping for the coat tails of summer's softness . . . my fresh middle schooler's childhood  . . .  my "prime" of life.

Sometimes events in life invite us to redefine our relationship with time, whether it be our last day of vacation, a first day of a new school year, or a loss of a friend.  Our souls are asking us to slow down enough to grab a hold of the moments called Life within our days.  Because these moments aren’t flying by us.  We are flying by them.

Take some photos today, through your senses, of life’s beauty.  Here and now.
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Get Caught in the Act

6/20/2011

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Do you ever feel like you have to keep your rare indulgences a secret?  Why do we feel like reporting our pleasure is less honorable than reporting our aches?

Last week I took my daughters to the dentist and boldly asked if it would be all right if I ran a quick errand.  "Sure.  Just be back in 30 minutes," I was told.

So for the first time ever, I left my two girls, mouths wide open, watching High School Musical on the ceiling, and dashed to Nordstroms.  I ran straight to the make up counter to buy one item.  Then the question came, "Is there anything else I can do for you?  Do you have time to play?" . . . .

Before I knew it, I was getting "smokey eyes". I intently learned about the many steps required for the look I'm sure will be passe before I ever try it. I glanced at my watch. Who knew smokey eyes took 20 minutes!Looking overly fabulous for 9:30 am, I raced back to the dentist exactly nine minutes late. They still recognized me,

"Mrs. Tirion, we tried calling, but couldn't reach you.  We were hoping to do a procedure . . . "Both of my girls were patiently propped on their chairs examining my eyes and my words as I apologized.  And as we left the office, I realized I had a choice to make.  I chose to honor pleasure.

"Mommy was offered a gift.  I learned something new.  And I feel pretty.  What do you think?" 

I am inviting you to take a little extra time for yourself, even nine minutes. And then tell somebody about it!  Plant the seed in others.

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    Amy Tirion
    About Me
    Advocate for Stillness, Seeker of Inspiration, Playful Mom, Lover of Creativity, Still Learning, Believer in Women,  Founder of Delight for the Soul

    Check Out My New Book Knowing Beautiful:
    A New Bedtime Story for Women

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    Becoming
    This blog is an invitation to stop.  Breathe.  And tap into the part of you that craves more space, inspiration, and nurturing.  It captures the writings from my Delight for the Soul Newsletter.  They are personal moments of reflection, inspiration, and questioning that focus on Being rather than Doing.  It's a direction we are all invited to go in, as we live deeply and do less.  The more we focus on being, the more delighted we become . . . and the more becoming we are.


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