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Showing Up

9/15/2015

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Darkness had settled in for the night and the desert temperature was falling.  It was my first time at Burning Man, a festival devoted to acts of gift giving, self expression and community that is “too hard to describe”. After repeatedly hearing, ”You just have to experience it”, I decided it was time.

One night my husband and I found ourselves overwhelmed by the sensory explosion. There were no longer any visible paths to the mile-wide center, known as the Playa.  We had to lift our bicycles over our heads and step through the sea of bikes that appeared, chasing the big name DJ line up.  We heard there was a Tiki Bar at the fence, the outermost barrier of Burning Man's temporary city. So we put on our goggles and started to peddle into the darkness, away from the carnival of lights and sounds.  

There are no markings in the desert at night. It’s an incredibly freeing experience to bike as fast and as far as you want, knowing the small fence will protect you from the desire to peddle forever. My hands started to chill against the handle bars; still no sign of our destination.

Then a small glowing light came into view.  After another ten minutes we found ourselves standing at a booth just large enough for the bartender to sit on a cooler. 

“Welcome to the Dusty Pineapple. We like to say the drinks are average but the music’s great; however, I’m having some trouble with the music,” the bartender explained as he wiggled the wires producing sporadic sound.

We were welcomed with a hug and handed a half-filled cup of rum and warm coke. We were delighted! His welcome was elixir enough. The bartender, affectionately named Dad, was the leader of a small camp of people who come in from all over the country to man the Tiki Bar. This year he didn’t think he could make it, but decided he had to show up, so he boarded a plane from South America.

Dad settled back onto his perch, “I’m so humbled that you came out here. Usually if eight people come it’s a good night!”

And there he sat . . .  in the vast darkness . . . waiting with a gift . . . for those who show up.

A huge wave of gratitude came over me. Biking the miles home, tears chilled my cheeks as I thought about the lesson I had received.

We wake up every morning and go to bed each night.  In between there is a vast space of hours that is ours whether we show up or not.  Showing up isn’t easy. It takes energy and commitment.  It means not shrinking when we bump up against discomfort; connecting again and again with our inherent value so that we share the best part of ourselves with others; and it means trusting enough to loosen our grip so that the gravity of life’s flow can pull us in the direction we are meant to follow.

There are a lot of ways to experience Burning Man.  For me, it was the surprising, magical way people showed up for each other in this self proclaimed “do-ocracy” that makes this grand heart-centered experiment worth the drive, the dust, the noise and the heat. I want to continue to explore open hearted living. Want to join me?

Leave your emotional armor at the gate.

Replace judgement with hugs.

Trust that others have your back.

Tune into the single experience we all share on this earth.

And then show up for others in the most generous, tender, wondrous way you can.

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When Gift Lists Make You Cranky

12/21/2014

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“I don’t really need anything . . .  and I  really don’t feel like coming up with a list.”  This was my answer to my mother’s sweet inquiry into my Christmas wishes. I hung up and felt a bit cranky and lame.  On the one hand you could call me content.  But I had a hankering to dig a little deeper, especially given the two page Christmas list I received from my four year old nephew.  Some of my favorites were: spiderweb making machine to save people; food tray for bathtub in case I get hungry; rubber bands that can go round you and are white so you look like an egg; and a rocket that can launch to heaven. 

During adulthood I seem to have narrowed this exercise to items that can be purchased, and preferably online with no shipping charges.  No wonder the exercise is no fun!  So I found a moment of quiet, took a deep breath, and asked the question slowly and seriously, “What do I really want this year?”  

My answers felt great to write down.  Try it!

To crawl in bed with a smile and peace.
To really know what my daughters are thinking and feeling.
To commit to a really big trip so I can relax and know I’m going to explore the world in due time.
To release old clothes that don’t make me feel fabulous.
To shower every morning with a day’s destination that brings me energy.
To meditate before making dinner so that I start the evening grounded and more energized.
To connect with new friends in a deeper way.
To do more playful things in San Francisco.
To paint with others that can teach and inspire me.
To make time to read.
To connect with my husband in ways that are meaningful to him.
To finish a project.
To mix it up.
To feel strong in my body.
To join a circle.
To laugh. A lot.

What I love most about this list is that I can actually it give it to others and with a little thought, they can give me gifts to make it come true!   Now I’m excited for Christmas.

I hope you find a list that deeply excites you too!  And that when you share it with others, the magic of giving and receiving this season unfolds in a brand new way.

Merry Christmas!
Amy

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The Weight We Carry

9/20/2014

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We only had fifteen minutes.  “I think we can do this,” I said as we parked our car in the bus station parking lot.  My husband and I hopped out and headed for a lone boulder in the overgrown grass, with comb and scissors in hand.  Alex needed a haircut before returning to San Francisco from Tahoe.  I’ve been cutting his hair for years.

As I worked diligently to finish before the bus arrived a woman approached us, “I don’t know who you are, where you are from, or what you are doing, but would you please give me a haircut?” 

She went on to explain in a shaky voice that she had lost her house and her husband to cancer ten months ago.  Carmelle was living in her van and was about to collect survivor benefits the next day. 

“I just want bangs like I used to have and this weight off of my shoulders.”

How could I say no? 
 
So she took her place on the rock.  I warned her, “You know I’m not formally trained and the wind is blowing pretty hard.”

“Just do it. Please.  I trust you.”  

Each time I asked her for guidance she replied, “I trust you. Do what you think is right.”

In between the silence and her sharing her story of their loving marriage and her hard knocks, she would break into tears, “I can’t believe you are doing this for me.”

I took a big gulp as I cut four inches away from her eyes. 

“You know I used to have dishwater blond hair.  Can you see my roots?”  

I could see her roots, the hardship of the years in her lined face, and the weight she was carrying being lifted with each inch I took off. 

I gave her a final hug and a wish for a lighter new chapter that matched her hair.  She crossed the parking lot, hopped back into her van, and took a peek into her rear view mirror.  I held my breath.  

Carmelle's wide smile and a big thumbs up are still clear in my mind. 

So is the weight of her desperate request. 

We all carry weight. Most of it is hidden from others; we feel it’s ours alone to bear. That impromptu haircut on the boulder showed me that we all can lift the weight of another. We both needed courage: she needed to step out of the van and ask; I needed to say yes and try.

Then came ease . . . connection . . . support . . . relief and an opening to new possibilities.  How can you lift the weight of another?  How can others support you?

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Tending to Life

2/10/2014

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Sometimes needs can’t be ignored: a car that doesn’t start, a sick child, an argument, a leaking roof.  This urgent straight forward “tending to” is a constant part of life.

This week I found myself in tune with a different layer of "tending to".  My eyes landed on my silver teapot that hasn’t been polished in a year.  I took an extra moment to look at myself in the mirror and plainly saw the need for a hair appointment.  It was my daughter's birthday and I had a momentary desire to make a cake from scratch rather than out of a box.  As I was standing in line at the dry cleaners I thought about the fact that my mother washed and ironed all of my father’s shirts.

There was a time when tending to life fit.  When silver was polished, cakes were made from scratch and mothers mended. It’s the stuff that in our modern world can feel unimportant or easy to outsource; able to be put off, not mission critical.

Yet everywhere I looked, something was staring back saying, “deal with me”. This part of life can't truly be ignored. You still see it and feel it weighing you down. What keeps calling out to you?

There is a difference between, "dealing with" and "tending to". They have different energies. Can you feel it? To Tend is defined as: To pay attention.

What if you allowed yourself to pay attention to the people and parts in your life that are asking for care, love, time. What if you tended to them without guilt or stress . . . with full breaths that create a sense that it is time well spent?

I decided to let myself be free this week to do some of the little and big things that I dance around, avoiding, week after week. I worked with an amazing rockstar organizer and cleaned up my garage. I dusted the leaves of a plant.  I polished some silver. I mended a sweater. I checked in on a neighbor.

The beautiful part of tending to life, is that life responds and smiles back at you.  Your heart warms. You slow down, nurture, and are nurtured in return. You become more connected with all the parts of life that are there for you: your surroundings, your belongings, your loved ones, your own heart.
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What's After Gratitude?

11/25/2012

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It really works.  Our Thanksgiving holiday is an annual built-in pause for gratitude.  Full tummies, time with loved ones, vacation days giving space for reflection, lovely autumn weather, Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving on TV reminding us of the Pilgrims’ quest for freedom, which we still benefit from today. Really, it’s perfect.

And we know we need it.  There is more and more research on the power of purposefully focusing on our blessings.  It shifts our biochemistry, health and emotional well being. We want to operate from this place.  It sounds good, so we make it a goal.  It feels good, so we periodically practice.

And on days like Thanksgiving, we stay in it. Can you feel this shift in yourself over this holiday? Expansion, energy, joy, patience, balance?

The space for reflection in my own life brought forward an interesting question.  Once we’ve landed in gratitude, what’s next?

My immediate answer was, “Action!”  I need to share my blessings . . .  partially out of desire, part obligation.  My husband and I have dug a little deeper into our pockets, responding to the year-end invitations to give.  I am volunteering at  Macy’s kitten window today with my daughters.  I reached out to make sure my circle of family felt my love.  It all felt good.  Appropriate.  Natural.

Yet the question hasn’t gone away. What’s after gratitude?

This morning I woke up with a different answer ~ Peace.

If practicing gratitude is a means, then I believe the endpoint is peace.   Peace that comes from lifting up out of our own place of scarcity, comparison, and suffering.  Gratitude gives us extra capacity for peace.  We are more able to be compassionate, to understand the truth of others, to share ourselves.

I always wished Thanksgiving wasn’t so close to the Christmas holiday season, but now I see the beautiful link and flow.  Giving thanks drops us into our own center of peace, preparing us not just to wish for Peace on Earth as we stamp our holiday cards, but also to bring peace to our corner of the Earth, through our energy, actions and our blessings.

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Being There

7/20/2012

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I was making lunch when Eva walked into the kitchen and said, "Daddy, would you braid my hair?"  

Alex's reply surprised me, "Of course," as he assumed a seated position.  I knew he didn't know how to braid.

Resisting every urge to insert myself into this sweet father-daughter moment, I peered out of the corner of my eye to watch my dearest husband getting a good grip on the already-parted three sections of wet hair.

There was quiet, as my husband took a calm assessment of the situation.  And then I received a gentle request to assist.  As I gave him the most minimal guidance possible, the braiding began and ended with the rubber band.

"Let me know what my grade is Eva," he yelled as Miss Style marched into the bathroom.  I held my breath to hear, "I'd give it a B minus Dad. It sticks out at the bottom but is very centered."

Extremely pleased, Alex announced that "Big Al's Braid Shop" was now open for business.

Are you there for others? “Being There” sometimes requires saying yes, even when we aren’t sure we can do it or want to do it.  

Who is there for you?  Are you asking for what you need?  Sometimes others need to know how to Be There for us. Is it time, support, a listening ear, help, space, permission to dream big, patience . . .

Invite others to Be There for you and see what shops open for business. You may be surprised.

Let me know!
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Understanding Energy

5/1/2012

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There is a lot of focus, research, and desire for energy in our world right now.  I am no expert.  All I know is that when I woke up this morning, I didn’t have enough.  After struggling for an hour I had the luxury of crawling back in bed for twenty minutes.  It made all the difference.  

I have spent the last two years doing an independent study on energy that won’t lead to any degree but has significantly altered my life.  It started when I was diagnosed with hypo-thyroidism, an auto immune condition that can completely drain you of energy if untreated.

I have learned what you already know too.

Energy impacts everything.

It is our ability to get through the day with grace.

It’s the fuel that brings passion to our relationships, our bedroom, our projects, our life’s meaning.

Energy is a space you create in the company of others.

It can create focus or frenzy, depending on how you manage it.

It is the pockets in our body that hold our emotions, working for us or against us, ideally through us.

We can manage energy through the foods we eat, the sleep we get, the endorphins we generate with exercise, and I believe, most importantly, the space we create to connect with it.

We can collect energy not just in moments of rest, but also in moments of inspiration, calm, achievement, love, reflection, connection, exploration, or gratitude.

As we grow in awareness and respect for ourselves as a body of energy, we can hone in on our patterns of thought and actions, the beliefs we carry, and the habits we practice that either fuel or deplete us.

For example, this week I practiced the mantra, “I live my life with ease.”  I need to say it hourly. It’s amazing, energy-giving medicine.  When we lighten up on ourselves, there is more space for energy to enter in.  It seeps into our cells between our breaths, our thoughts, and our moments of calm.

Fear, anger, insecurity, doubt, guilt, blame, regret are all slow energy leaks.

Creating a loving discipline for managing your energy is important because the more energy you have, the more you can share with others, without it being at the expense of yourself.

Let this weekend be an experiment in determining what you need to be fully energized.  Refuel and then share it lovingly.
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The Steps We Take

12/17/2011

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I found out tonight that my cousin is becoming a foster parent to an eleven year old girl this week  . . .  days before Christmas.  It gave me chills.  

And then I started asking why I’m not doing more, giving more, finding the time, living a better example for my own children.  It is important once in a while to examine how we can lift up the world a bit more in our own little corner of it.

In the end, I believe the better reaction is to drop into a place of deep gratitude for those who are doing the heavy lifting.  The breadth and depth of this list of the world’s givers is immensely beautiful and powerful.  

This time of year is about new promise.  Feeling the beginnings of shifts within ourselves, within the world.  Feeling gratitude for those that have and are paving the way for a peaceful, safe, and bountiful earth.

May you step into your own path of compassion, trust, and abundance. And know that the steps you are taking are paving the way for others . . . that these steps you are taking are sacred in and of themselves.

Blessings this holiday season,
Amy
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    Amy Tirion
    About Me
    Advocate for Stillness, Seeker of Inspiration, Playful Mom, Lover of Creativity, Still Learning, Believer in Women,  Founder of Delight for the Soul

    Check Out My New Book Knowing Beautiful:
    A New Bedtime Story for Women

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    Becoming
    This blog is an invitation to stop.  Breathe.  And tap into the part of you that craves more space, inspiration, and nurturing.  It captures the writings from my Delight for the Soul Newsletter.  They are personal moments of reflection, inspiration, and questioning that focus on Being rather than Doing.  It's a direction we are all invited to go in, as we live deeply and do less.  The more we focus on being, the more delighted we become . . . and the more becoming we are.


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