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Selecting Your Silence

1/20/2018

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Dear Friends,

You haven't heard from me in a while.  There is a lot of noise coming at us. And new media channels suggest that we always need to be seen and heard. Sometimes these channels add important momentum to our collective voice. Often they amplify what should be muted. 
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I imagine you've also had times when words feel like an unnecessary label you choose not to slap onto your experience. 

Others may observe you as quiet in these times, yet it can be loud on the inside, when your silence is rooted in fear, desire, discontent, or shame.  A perfect setup for the writer to write.  It's been the seed for many of my blog posts.

My silence is different this season.  
It’s more like the silence of a starless night.  
It has edges,
that hold me safely.
Not allowing me to step into busy thought.

I have been placing more focus on wordlessness rather than words.  It’s a beautiful space of mindfulness that must be cultivated.  It’s a place of observation but also of direct experience.    

For example, this week I came upon a hawk during a walk.  I sat down at the base of the lamp post it perched upon and we stared at each other for fifteen amazing minutes.  I didn't chat or narrate.  I didn't want any words to come in between us and our experience.

When words break through the surface tension of silence, I’ve been cautious in choosing what I pay attention to.  I do know the words that I am called to capture and share always rise up from this place of stillness.  Nowhere else.

Step out of your house tonight before bed.
Into the origin of silence.
Where wind whistles.
Animals may call.
Where we are reminded of the ground of silence we were born into.
Without words, yet whole.

Blessings,
Amy

Photo Source: Potential Project
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If I Let My Life Happen

10/4/2015

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We gave my nephew a butterfly kit for his fifth birthday.  It’s a bittersweet present.  You watch your tiny larvae hatch, grow into caterpillars, go through a miraculous transformation, take their first flight, and then you have a choice.  Do you let them fly and be free, or do you keep them in their cage, have them longer and ultimately watch them die?

When they were young, my daughters decided to keep their butterflies, and feel the heartache of each life ending. My nephew let all but one be free.  And then deeply experienced the pain from his decision.

These little creatures have very little time on this earth: some species live a week or two; some a year if they are lucky to survive the increasingly difficult migration. It’s a poignant decision for a child to make, knowing that free butterflies live longer than captured ones.  

Don’t we all?  Yes, we should live as freely as we can.  We need to feel the fleeting nature of our own lives; not to despair, but to generate the courage to leave our cage and fly.

I recently attended a writer’s workshop, and was given the prompt:  If I let my life happen . . .

I couldn’t help but think of butterflies.

 
If I Let My Life Happen . . .
There is a butterfly on my shoulder.  Its wings open and close in my ear.  I don’t dare move. Yet, it’s not taking flight. It stays with me up and down the stairs. Not feeling captured or busy but entertained by my running.

Sunshine is a window away.  It knows its direction but won’t go without me. So he is patient.  And I hurriedly finish my work, shortening my list of to do’s enough to fly along.

We touch each piece of God’s beauty that offers nectar.  Feeling into the currents of warm air that take me higher.  No guide needed. Density below, warmth on my wings, and gratitude in my heart.  I take flight before life is over.  It’s fleeting but not too short. No sorrows. No words. No song. No need to despair.

The dust of color from my wings has worn off from full-contact living.  My antennas are slowly losing sensation.  My mouth is dry but smiling.  My flight is sporadic.  I fall away.  

I fall.  

I fly.  
Is there a difference?
Direction is subjective.
I have spread my wings.
My life is whole. 

​
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When There's Nowhere Else to Go

8/9/2015

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Source: Amy Tirion, Santorini, Greece
We are a forward moving and thinking culture.  We’ve been conditioned to have a plan in our pocket at all times; our eye on the horizon and a known path to get there. The idea of having nowhere else to go can conjure up images of a dead end, being trapped or stagnant.  Why does lack of forward movement feel unsettling or unnatural? Is it possible to gaze at the horizon with all of its promise without needing to chase it? 

My family just had a beautiful exercise in planning ahead and being completely present simultaneously. We recently returned from our first European vacation.  I wistfully observed us as a family and wished we could always operate in this balanced state of valuing each day.

One afternoon as we boarded a ferry in Greece, my younger daughter asked, “How long is the ferry ride?”

I answered, “Three hours,” expecting a moan of frustration when she learned what was between her and the next destination.

To my surprise she replied, “Oh good!  I just love to just sit and do nothing.” At that point we had nowhere else to go, yet we were still on our journey.  She has always been one of my greatest teachers.

When we arrived in Santorini, we found one of the most magical places on earth.  Do add it to your bucket list! This crescent shaped Greek island was born from a gigantic volcanic eruption that left only a massive rim jetting up from the sea. As you climb from the port to the highest tips of the towns, you ascend into the clouds.  We stepped through the gate of our hotel, and immediately were on the cliff’s edge.  We felt this dense peace, looked down at the silent sparkling sea miles below, and for a brief moment believed we were in heaven.

Heaven has varied and arguable definitions, but in Santorini, it’s undeniable. You have to catch your breath.  It’s the inhale you forgot to take when your eyes first cast out onto the expansive horizon far below against the sheer cliffs ripped into indescribable form.

You quiet to whispers.  And your brain . . . well, it rests.  There is nowhere else to go.

For two sweet days we experienced this pure peace that entered into our cells, creating expansiveness within us as infinite as our view. 

I'm back now, without the view, but with new resolve to hold my gaze. Summer has these moments for each of us: time in the sweetness of nature; in a vacation destination never seen before, or in a well-loved familiar spot to soak in the long sunlit days.  Daily life is also full of points in time when we are meant to sit still in between destinations.  May you find heaven in these moments.  May they teach you how to live in peace, being fully present, without striving or planning.  May you feel whole and know that you can rest . . . you have arrived . . . that there is no where else to go.
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Peace Chasers

11/19/2013

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It was a rare peaceful moment.  All the day’s work was neatly stacked on my desk and in my mind.  The driving was over. Although dinner was in front of me and my daughter and a friend were madly baking in the kitchen, I found myself sitting on my bed, chatting with a friend behind a closed door.

Our conversation veered from decisions and stresses to emotions and desires. Then Jenna said, “I just want to live a life with peace for my family and for me.”  

Yes.  The sentence sunk in and settled deep.

There is so much buzz about happiness right now: choosing it, raising it, hardwiring it; but I’m voting for peace. Peace has a different quality about it.  It’s a bit more weighty.  I imagine grounding in peace, like lying on the expanse of sand at Ocean Beach.  

We continued to toss around the complexity of our lives and it became apparent to both of us that you cannot chase peace.  The very act of pushing your way towards it removes the prize.

The times when we most intensely seek peace is often when there is an underlying change that needs to happen.  The focus of my decade of corporate change management work was always to move people and organizations through a change as fast as possible with minimal disruption.

But the more I focus on personal change, I understand that sitting in the space of disruption is meaningful time spent, as unpeaceful as it feels.  

This week I spoke with author Dr. Susan Plummer about her new book Deep Change.  She outlines a fascinating seven-stage process on the journey of deep personal change. Right smack in the middle of the journey is the shift of The Stilling:

“Where we arrive at the threshold between our known selves and world and what can feel like nothingness, with no new horizon in sight, suspended between two ways of being. In this state we wait, with our imaginations stilled, open to the unknown yet unaware of what is to come in the future.”

I breathed a sigh of relief while reading these words that put shape to a nebulous unsettling space.  Peace percolates from within our place of deep knowing. You can’t race to or push through or chase after it. Connecting to your powerful inner rudder requires stillness.

And then with your compass in hand, peace can mean action: big, bold, uncomfortable, risky action . . . that embraces the change that's been brewing and brings you that freedom known as peace.

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Momentum

4/13/2013

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When we feel lack of momentum, it can be unsettling.  It’s easy to start judging ourselves in times of uphill.  But there is also an invitation to understand our need for a constant sense of pushing forward.

Momentum is defined as “The force or speed of movement.”  Our achievement oriented, fast paced society is hooked on it.  Yet we can see that speed of movement doesn’t always bring momentum towards the changes we are seeking individually or collectively.

My family recently went skiing in Tahoe.  My youngest daughter was stretching herself to move past the bunny slope and stay with the group, when we came upon a man made ski jumping course with one launching ramp after another.  She watched her sister and others fly down it.  Determined yet scared, she decided to approach the first ramp.  

Slowly she started down the shoot and up the ramp only to stall out half way up and slide back down to a stop.  She then had to traverse around the jump to the other side and try again.  I watched her try over and over again, never making it, always sliding backwards to a stop. Her combined effort to stay in control and make it over the top brought tears of frustration and anger at the height of the ramp and her own fear that was getting in the way.

I’m a huge fan of baby steps. They are a comfortable and often strategic way to move forward in challenging times. After watching Aria I was reminded that baby steps can’t always get you up and over.  

I also saw that Aria was building momentum, even though to her it felt like dismal failure.   I was taken by her determination, as she approached a ramp for the eighth time.  Her trial and error, mixed with the growing energy of her emotions gave her the momentum to successfully tackle the last ramp with all her might.

Momentum requires letting go and pushing forward all at the same time.  The emotions that we typically feel when we are stuck: frustration, anger, agitation, regret; can be used to fuel momentum if we are aware of their energies and focused on channeling them.  

Staying on life’s bunny slopes might make us feel greater “speed of movement”, but preparing for leaps, including the pauses in between, is a force in itself.  You can fall down and get up over and over again.  You can even slide backwards in life and still be moving forward.  

How can you redefine momentum in your life right now? I'd love to know.

Blessings,
Amy      

ps. Having no photo of my daughter in action, I went to YouTube and found tons of footage of ski jumps gone bad. The one I included above is visceral inspiration for times when baby steps are not an option.
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Go Easy

12/11/2012

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It’s happening.  The holiday spin.  This time of year can be a mixed bag.  There are lovely traditions, more parties, more to dos, more hope for goodwill on earth, more connection with others.  And often, there is less connection with ourselves.

When you feel disconnected, the intensity of life, in all of its imbalance, pressure, and pace takes over.  I invite you this year to use your light-filled tree, or the trees you see smiling in the windows of others, as a constant invitation to reconnect with yourself.  A favorite Mary Oliver poem came to mind as my family decorated our tree this weekend.  Read it very slowly, preferably out loud.  Let it be your mantra for this season. “Go easy.  Be filled with light. Shine.”

Joy and Peace,
Amy
When I am Among the Trees
By Mary Oliver, Thirst

When I am among the trees,
especially the willows and the honey locust,
equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,
they give off such hints of gladness,
I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness, and discernment,
and never hurry through the world
but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, "Stay awhile."
The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, "It's simple," they say,
"and you too have come
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine."
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What's After Gratitude?

11/25/2012

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It really works.  Our Thanksgiving holiday is an annual built-in pause for gratitude.  Full tummies, time with loved ones, vacation days giving space for reflection, lovely autumn weather, Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving on TV reminding us of the Pilgrims’ quest for freedom, which we still benefit from today. Really, it’s perfect.

And we know we need it.  There is more and more research on the power of purposefully focusing on our blessings.  It shifts our biochemistry, health and emotional well being. We want to operate from this place.  It sounds good, so we make it a goal.  It feels good, so we periodically practice.

And on days like Thanksgiving, we stay in it. Can you feel this shift in yourself over this holiday? Expansion, energy, joy, patience, balance?

The space for reflection in my own life brought forward an interesting question.  Once we’ve landed in gratitude, what’s next?

My immediate answer was, “Action!”  I need to share my blessings . . .  partially out of desire, part obligation.  My husband and I have dug a little deeper into our pockets, responding to the year-end invitations to give.  I am volunteering at  Macy’s kitten window today with my daughters.  I reached out to make sure my circle of family felt my love.  It all felt good.  Appropriate.  Natural.

Yet the question hasn’t gone away. What’s after gratitude?

This morning I woke up with a different answer ~ Peace.

If practicing gratitude is a means, then I believe the endpoint is peace.   Peace that comes from lifting up out of our own place of scarcity, comparison, and suffering.  Gratitude gives us extra capacity for peace.  We are more able to be compassionate, to understand the truth of others, to share ourselves.

I always wished Thanksgiving wasn’t so close to the Christmas holiday season, but now I see the beautiful link and flow.  Giving thanks drops us into our own center of peace, preparing us not just to wish for Peace on Earth as we stamp our holiday cards, but also to bring peace to our corner of the Earth, through our energy, actions and our blessings.

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    Amy Tirion
    About Me
    Advocate for Stillness, Seeker of Inspiration, Playful Mom, Lover of Creativity, Still Learning, Believer in Women,  Founder of Delight for the Soul

    Check Out My New Book Knowing Beautiful:
    A New Bedtime Story for Women

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    Becoming
    This blog is an invitation to stop.  Breathe.  And tap into the part of you that craves more space, inspiration, and nurturing.  It captures the writings from my Delight for the Soul Newsletter.  They are personal moments of reflection, inspiration, and questioning that focus on Being rather than Doing.  It's a direction we are all invited to go in, as we live deeply and do less.  The more we focus on being, the more delighted we become . . . and the more becoming we are.


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