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When you Admire Up Close

5/2/2015

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Artist: LeeAnn Brook
Have you noticed how often you admire from afar?  Someone’s shoes, home, smile, kindness, parenting, courage, intelligence, accomplishments, intuition, talent . . .   It can show up in shades of pure awe to downright jealousy. Admiration is an energy. It bubbles up inside of us so quickly that I believe its source is not in your head, but rather somewhere in between your heart and your gut.  

Our gut holds the mixed-up emotions.  “I want to be this too.” Comparison. Withholding. Competition. Scarcity.

Our heart shows up pure. Inspired. Grateful to experience the other and learn from them. Curious how they embody what they do.  Delighted in what you see.  Desirous . . . yes.  But mudita is at the core of heart centered admiration.

Mudita is Sanskrit word for unselfish joy.  This beautiful Buddhist practice is cultivated when we can experience another’s happiness and blessings without envy.  Its foundation lies in our ability to see the abundance of life’s blessings, regardless of whether they shower us or others.

This can feel like an unnatural place to land when we’ve been conditioned to believe in the scarcity of a hyper-competitive world.  I have two suggestions to find mudita.  

Last night my meditation teacher shared his grounded response to whatever life delivers, “Right now, this is perfect.”  If that is a hard sentence to form, try “imperfectly perfect”. It’s a trusting, neutral place to receive our present moment and those of others in their own journeys.

And then there is the opportunity to admire up close, rather than from afar.  The more distance there is between you and your admiration, the more space there is for your gut and head to get involved. A few examples: when you are eyeing up a woman’s shoes, give her a compliment; pay attention to the ease with which co-worker accomplishes a task and tell him; when you observe a friend starting a new chapter in life, articulate what inspires you about their momentum.

Recently I received an email about an art exhibit.  The artist’s work drew me in so deeply I decided to reach out and let her know.  And here’s where the beauty of mudita unfolds. We talked, connected, and became inspired to offer a class together!  Life blossomed.

Withheld admiration is not just wasted energy, it’s life force stopped in its tracks. During this new spring season, tune in and let your heart deliver fresh energy to others by sharing all that you admire and love.    




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When Gift Lists Make You Cranky

12/21/2014

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“I don’t really need anything . . .  and I  really don’t feel like coming up with a list.”  This was my answer to my mother’s sweet inquiry into my Christmas wishes. I hung up and felt a bit cranky and lame.  On the one hand you could call me content.  But I had a hankering to dig a little deeper, especially given the two page Christmas list I received from my four year old nephew.  Some of my favorites were: spiderweb making machine to save people; food tray for bathtub in case I get hungry; rubber bands that can go round you and are white so you look like an egg; and a rocket that can launch to heaven. 

During adulthood I seem to have narrowed this exercise to items that can be purchased, and preferably online with no shipping charges.  No wonder the exercise is no fun!  So I found a moment of quiet, took a deep breath, and asked the question slowly and seriously, “What do I really want this year?”  

My answers felt great to write down.  Try it!

To crawl in bed with a smile and peace.
To really know what my daughters are thinking and feeling.
To commit to a really big trip so I can relax and know I’m going to explore the world in due time.
To release old clothes that don’t make me feel fabulous.
To shower every morning with a day’s destination that brings me energy.
To meditate before making dinner so that I start the evening grounded and more energized.
To connect with new friends in a deeper way.
To do more playful things in San Francisco.
To paint with others that can teach and inspire me.
To make time to read.
To connect with my husband in ways that are meaningful to him.
To finish a project.
To mix it up.
To feel strong in my body.
To join a circle.
To laugh. A lot.

What I love most about this list is that I can actually it give it to others and with a little thought, they can give me gifts to make it come true!   Now I’m excited for Christmas.

I hope you find a list that deeply excites you too!  And that when you share it with others, the magic of giving and receiving this season unfolds in a brand new way.

Merry Christmas!
Amy

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What is Time Well Spent?

10/29/2013

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This week I decided to try a new recipe. That’s as far as I got.  As soon as I started thinking about the time required to find one, my chest tightened and I headed for my To Do list. Eventually I came back from Trader Joe’s with my usual arsenal of dinners for the week.

It’s a funny thing - how we define Time Well Spent. It’s very personal.   

We all know someone (or we are a person) who:
  • Delights in experimenting in the kitchen
  • Exercises more times in a week than most do in a month
  • Alphabetizes her spice rack with glee
  • Creates purposeful, playful, and present time with their children
  • Passionately burns the candle of their career climb
  • Meticulously designs the details of their home, their wardrobe, or yard
  • Has an insatiable appetite for books
  • Always remembers the birthday, writes the letter, reaches out, makes time for a coffee
  • Has a disciplined practice for centering in prayer, meditation, journaling, or solitude

You get the idea.  We allow ourselves some activities more than others and the guilt free list tends to be short.  It’s fueled by our values ~ what is a worthy endeavor, what brings us satisfaction, how we define accomplishment, what adds to our own sense of self.

l left Trader Joes determined to break my patterns.  I headed straight for Bed Bath and Beyond, where I bought kitchen organizers.  Rearranging an unexpected corner was a gift of calm. I allowed myself some time to find a few new recipes that felt good to make. Today I finally started to help my daughter with a garden she has been requesting for weeks.  With each activity I gave myself permission to enjoy, take my time, and be present.  It was true Time Well Spent.

At this point in our evolution, with all of the economic and technological advances in our society, researchers predicted we would be enjoying significantly more free time.  Yet our culture spins unnaturally fast on a scarcity model, where free time is rarely free from priotizing, justifying, or micro-managing.

There’s no one right definition of Time Well Spent.  However, I believe there is a universal gift we receive in expanding our definition: new energy, new experiences, new learnings, new joy.

What would you like to add to your guilt-free list?  If you need encouragement to spend this time, reach out to the seasoned artist, designer, athlete, gardener, or entrepreneur that you know.  Listen to their authentic enthusiasm.  It will help you be open to new possibilities for your own.
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Lighten Up

8/12/2013

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How playful are you? How easily can you shift into a place of lightness?  

I know I take life too seriously. I may appear light and playful, but often on the inside I am anything but.  Can you relate?

Sometimes our bodies have to tell us to lighten up. My back went out last month.  Last week I went to Las Vegas and got hives.  Literally, all over my body.  Not necessarily surprising.  Vegas can do that.  But to me, the hives symbolized a place of stress that my body, mind and emotions go, even when there isn’t obvious reason to. Even the corners of my natural smile turn down.  I actually have to work at my grin!

My husband looks at me and scratches his head.  He is a great example of someone who uses play as a strategy for lightening his load.  One night at dinner he jumped up from the dinner table and announced he was going to be late.  

“For what?” I asked.

“For my D.J. lessons!”

He forgot to tell me.

The next night, no joke, he pulls me aside, “Don’t tell the girls but I signed up for trampoline lessons tonight.  I want to surprise them and do a backflip!”  

Disappointed he came back after an hour, only learning safety procedures and seat drops; but that didn’t stop him.

The next day he came home late and bruised, “Babe, you’ve got to try Krav Maga!  It’s amazing!”
  It’s summer time, a natural time of year to relax a little and play a bit more.  It is important.  You know the research.  It releases all of the good hormones, keeps us young, and awakens the creative, crusty corners of our brain.  

Martha Beck, in her book Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, talks about play being sacred; a path to wordlessness and expansion.  She also shares that most humans resist learning  “something substantially new” once they reach the age of 23.

How can you be more playful this summer?

I started small by practicing my smile constantly.  It has lightened everything: shopping, driving, typing. Try it! I’m going to seek out small moments to be lighter in my decisions and reactions. 

I committed to play more with my daughters this summer.  I'm talking about sustained, engaged, active play.  I'm not sure why this is so difficult, but I know I’m not alone.  I also know it's important for all of us to model playful behavior for our children to counter the compulsive over-working way of life that grips us all. 

Work has playful possibilities too. Preparing for the launch of my book has been weighing me down. This week I decided to approach it as a playful project.  I already feel more creativity seeping into me!  Is there an area of your work life that feels heavy right now? Can you reframe your relationship with it?

And when it comes to trying something new, I’m going to follow Alex to his next class . . . actually I just learned it’s going to be kite boarding, so maybe not. If you have an experience you want to try, let me know. I’ll be your buddy!

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Enthusiasm

3/18/2012

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My husband is the kind of guy who signs up to be on his company’s Emergency Response Team for fire drills.  Seriously.  He came home from his day in training recently and announced, “I’m going to crush it tomorrow during the drill! The first one who responds to the alarm gets to be the Incident Commander and wear an orange vest!”  It was a Phil Dunphy moment.

We all know those people who have an unbelievable capacity for enthusiasm.  Maybe you are one too.  Maybe you wonder where they find their deep well of energy and optimism.

I happened to marry one. This month Alex is eagerly interested in fostering baby chicks, fresh kale smoothies, the nette pot, productivity tools, planting blueberry bushes, the next big idea . . .

What’s not to love about their “intense and eager enjoyment, interest, or approval,” as Google defines enthusiasm.

So how do we invite more enthusiasm into our lives?

Alex was half kidding in his zeal, but earnest as I heard him explain to my daughter about wearing the orange vest, “When you feel embarrassed about doing something new, just smile and be extra kind and friendly.”  Great advice!  Being open is a definite prerequisite for enthusiastic living.

Interestingly, the color orange is associated with our second energy center or chakra, in the lower abdomen. This energy is about joy, enthusiasm, passion, freedom, sexuality, creativity, confidence, and learning to let go.

So why not  ~

Say Yes.
Be a bit vulnerable.
Let go of criticism.
Reconnect with your childlike eagerness.
Smile.
Appreciate.
Put on your orange energy vest!

And see what invitation the universe delivers next!
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    Amy Tirion
    About Me
    Advocate for Stillness, Seeker of Inspiration, Playful Mom, Lover of Creativity, Still Learning, Believer in Women,  Founder of Delight for the Soul

    Check Out My New Book Knowing Beautiful:
    A New Bedtime Story for Women

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    Becoming
    This blog is an invitation to stop.  Breathe.  And tap into the part of you that craves more space, inspiration, and nurturing.  It captures the writings from my Delight for the Soul Newsletter.  They are personal moments of reflection, inspiration, and questioning that focus on Being rather than Doing.  It's a direction we are all invited to go in, as we live deeply and do less.  The more we focus on being, the more delighted we become . . . and the more becoming we are.


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