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When Gift Lists Make You Cranky

12/21/2014

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“I don’t really need anything . . .  and I  really don’t feel like coming up with a list.”  This was my answer to my mother’s sweet inquiry into my Christmas wishes. I hung up and felt a bit cranky and lame.  On the one hand you could call me content.  But I had a hankering to dig a little deeper, especially given the two page Christmas list I received from my four year old nephew.  Some of my favorites were: spiderweb making machine to save people; food tray for bathtub in case I get hungry; rubber bands that can go round you and are white so you look like an egg; and a rocket that can launch to heaven. 

During adulthood I seem to have narrowed this exercise to items that can be purchased, and preferably online with no shipping charges.  No wonder the exercise is no fun!  So I found a moment of quiet, took a deep breath, and asked the question slowly and seriously, “What do I really want this year?”  

My answers felt great to write down.  Try it!

To crawl in bed with a smile and peace.
To really know what my daughters are thinking and feeling.
To commit to a really big trip so I can relax and know I’m going to explore the world in due time.
To release old clothes that don’t make me feel fabulous.
To shower every morning with a day’s destination that brings me energy.
To meditate before making dinner so that I start the evening grounded and more energized.
To connect with new friends in a deeper way.
To do more playful things in San Francisco.
To paint with others that can teach and inspire me.
To make time to read.
To connect with my husband in ways that are meaningful to him.
To finish a project.
To mix it up.
To feel strong in my body.
To join a circle.
To laugh. A lot.

What I love most about this list is that I can actually it give it to others and with a little thought, they can give me gifts to make it come true!   Now I’m excited for Christmas.

I hope you find a list that deeply excites you too!  And that when you share it with others, the magic of giving and receiving this season unfolds in a brand new way.

Merry Christmas!
Amy

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Too Busy to Know

5/12/2014

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My initial reaction was, “I’m too busy to know.”  I didn’t say this out loud.  It felt like an answer that should easily flow.  And the too busy part . . . well, I didn’t want to whine. 

The question was, “What do you want to do on Mother’s Day?”  I have other questions also lined up waiting for an answer. 

What questions are you carrying because you are too busy to drop into that deep place of knowing?

In life there is always something making us busy.  For me the end of school year crazies are putting me in a spin.  But I don’t want to be too busy to know what I want in life.  I don’t want to be too busy to feel the sun, especially on days like today, when it’s begging me to notice it. 

I don’t want to be too busy to...
  Work on big ideas
Celebrate others
  Read
Start important conversations . . . and complete them
  Make love
Hear my child
  Care for my body
Stoke my passions
  Nurture meaningful friendships
Be playful
  Connect with the hearts of others along my daily path

Yep, that’s it.  That’s the answer.  I know what I want to do on Mother’s Day.  How about you?

Blessings,
Amy
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Tending to Life

2/10/2014

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Sometimes needs can’t be ignored: a car that doesn’t start, a sick child, an argument, a leaking roof.  This urgent straight forward “tending to” is a constant part of life.

This week I found myself in tune with a different layer of "tending to".  My eyes landed on my silver teapot that hasn’t been polished in a year.  I took an extra moment to look at myself in the mirror and plainly saw the need for a hair appointment.  It was my daughter's birthday and I had a momentary desire to make a cake from scratch rather than out of a box.  As I was standing in line at the dry cleaners I thought about the fact that my mother washed and ironed all of my father’s shirts.

There was a time when tending to life fit.  When silver was polished, cakes were made from scratch and mothers mended. It’s the stuff that in our modern world can feel unimportant or easy to outsource; able to be put off, not mission critical.

Yet everywhere I looked, something was staring back saying, “deal with me”. This part of life can't truly be ignored. You still see it and feel it weighing you down. What keeps calling out to you?

There is a difference between, "dealing with" and "tending to". They have different energies. Can you feel it? To Tend is defined as: To pay attention.

What if you allowed yourself to pay attention to the people and parts in your life that are asking for care, love, time. What if you tended to them without guilt or stress . . . with full breaths that create a sense that it is time well spent?

I decided to let myself be free this week to do some of the little and big things that I dance around, avoiding, week after week. I worked with an amazing rockstar organizer and cleaned up my garage. I dusted the leaves of a plant.  I polished some silver. I mended a sweater. I checked in on a neighbor.

The beautiful part of tending to life, is that life responds and smiles back at you.  Your heart warms. You slow down, nurture, and are nurtured in return. You become more connected with all the parts of life that are there for you: your surroundings, your belongings, your loved ones, your own heart.
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Finding Your Rhythm

11/30/2013

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I entered the cab, my family tumbling in behind me, and saw a well-loved guitar resting in the front seat.  My heart instantly warmed.  I wasn’t sure why.  

We pulled away from the airport curb and the taxi driver immediately put on his personal mix CD of slow latin luscious music.  He gave my husband a few bars to settle in and then handed him an egg shaker (mini maraca).  In a Russian accent he said,  “Go ahead and try.”

It was one AM.  We had been traveling for fifteen hours.  Taking a rhythm test was hardly the mood in the front seat. My girls and I silently waited to see what Alex would do.  He started slowly . . . shake shake tap.  Shake shake tap. Nope, that wasn’t it.

Tap shake tap. Tap shake tap.  Closer, but not quite with the music.

The large bald head behind the wheel nodded along and then gave encouragement, “It’s harder when the music is slow.”

We all listened more intently with this new knowledge and with the second shaker Mr. Cabbie pulled out to add more rhythm to the melody.

I had to try.  It was harder to go slow than I thought.

I went to bed knowing that we had received an important message.  In the morning I understood it.

Most of us just finished a wonderful period of Thanksgiving slow. Lazy days without routine or rhythm.  Now comes the first week of December.  We will be tempted to dive in, fast paced, in our normal rhythm that is easy because it’s the beat we always play.  But what if we were to consciously try to find a slower rhythm as we begin and end our days. 

It will be harder to maintain the rhythm at first.  But we will be more focused.  More expansive.  More creative and kind.  

Take out your imaginary shaker and try this song for practice.  You can do it!

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Scattered

4/2/2013

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It started with trying to drive my daughter to school with my contacts in the wrong eyes, capped with needing to open the refrigerator three times to get out the salmon for dinner (never seemed to grab the right thing), and ended with my daughter finally finding my cell phone on the trampoline. Go figure.

It was truly a Give a Pig a Pancake, attention deficit, perimenopausal day.  I don’t imagine I’m alone.

Haven’t we all perfected the state of Scattered with increasing life responsibility, logistics overload, lack of sleep, the downpour of social media, and imploding inboxes.

Then there are our hormones. How do we distinguish the cause of Scattered among the possible symptoms of:
  • “Decreased alertness” from our monthly cycle
  • “Difficulty concentrating and memory lapses” during our path to menopause
  • “The inability to cope with stress and fuzzy thinking” from adrenal fatigue
  • “Impaired working and spacial memory” of chronic stress
  • “Mental fog”, an official symptom of thyroid disfunction, (my personal favorite)
There’s no escaping it!

I know you know this already but as the week continues let’s try to commit it to memory (not an easy task):
  • It’s not a personal problem. It’s societal.
  • It’s okay to stop.  Literally stop.
  • You don’t have to hide when you stop.  You can actually tell your boss, your team, your family what you need. They usually see your short circuit coming way before you do.
  • Feeling guilty when you stop is personal. It’s between you and your superwoman self.  No one can squash that feeling but you.
  • It doesn’t take much. Five minutes ~ set the timer, often.
  • Know what works. Cleaning out your inbox on your “break” doesn’t. Grounding requires going inward, shutting out stimuli, finding stillness, shifting your breath. Try literally getting grounded horizontally. Conference room floors work too!
  • Be the change: a cliche, but true. Model the self care that the world needs.  Be courageous at work.  Teach your children the life skill of self monitoring and self care by example.

Today I’m ready for more focus, more tasks, more clarity.  I know another wave of Scattered will arrive in the future.  I also know the more often we identify Scattered, care for Scattered, and give it the space and pace to dissipate, the faster we get back on track.  

By track, I don’t mean the treadmill.  I mean a conscious path of self compassion and resilience.

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Being There

7/20/2012

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I was making lunch when Eva walked into the kitchen and said, "Daddy, would you braid my hair?"  

Alex's reply surprised me, "Of course," as he assumed a seated position.  I knew he didn't know how to braid.

Resisting every urge to insert myself into this sweet father-daughter moment, I peered out of the corner of my eye to watch my dearest husband getting a good grip on the already-parted three sections of wet hair.

There was quiet, as my husband took a calm assessment of the situation.  And then I received a gentle request to assist.  As I gave him the most minimal guidance possible, the braiding began and ended with the rubber band.

"Let me know what my grade is Eva," he yelled as Miss Style marched into the bathroom.  I held my breath to hear, "I'd give it a B minus Dad. It sticks out at the bottom but is very centered."

Extremely pleased, Alex announced that "Big Al's Braid Shop" was now open for business.

Are you there for others? “Being There” sometimes requires saying yes, even when we aren’t sure we can do it or want to do it.  

Who is there for you?  Are you asking for what you need?  Sometimes others need to know how to Be There for us. Is it time, support, a listening ear, help, space, permission to dream big, patience . . .

Invite others to Be There for you and see what shops open for business. You may be surprised.

Let me know!
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What do you want to do?

5/9/2012

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Do you know what you’d like to do on Mother's Day?  Have you asked for it?  Let me help . . .

I would like to rest.

I would like to be cared for by others.

I would like a delicious meal not prepared in my kitchen.

I would like something a tad indulgent.

I would like space to connect with myself.

I would like to play.

I would like to end the day feeling deep happiness, physically stretched and pampered, newly inspired, and energized.

Whatever the perfect day may be for you, create it!  Ask for it!  Allow it to happen!
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The Pace of Self Care

3/29/2012

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Have you ever watched a cat bathe herself?  It's a lovely example of mindful self care. 

It's a ritual that starts with finding the warmth of a sunny spot near a window.  The bath has a beginning and an end.  It's a rhythm, precise and slow.  

Watching becomes meditative.  It seems quite the luxury of time that only a cat has.  But I think the lesson is about pace, not the amount of time.

The unprecedented pace of our society has created a  belief that every minute needs to be wrung dry. This express lane speed of life has also created an alarming degree of burnout, fragmentation, and need for self care: physical, mental, and emotional.

Self care requires a slower pace.  We need to down-shift our actions and our busy minds enough to be able to receive our own signals.  

Even ten minutes, when used mindfully, can nourish your body.  Be present and slow.  Extend your inhales... and your exhales.  Get horizontal for even two minutes to allow your body to let go totally and to give your senses a break.  Slowing down for self care might mean slicing fresh fruit to add nutrients to your breakfast or drinking an extra glass of water.

And when your soul needs care, feel its tugs. Retreat for a few precious moments of quiet.  Ask the question that will invite in clarity.  Hold the emotion that feels big.  Reach out when you need support.  Soothe your heart with your own love. Indulge in inspiration to shift your energy. 

May you to find a warm spot in the sun or rain and begin your bath. 

Blessings,
Amy
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A Balanced Life Diet

2/4/2012

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What’s your definition of "balanced"?  There are a lot of “right” answers out there . . . the right food servings, the optimal hours of sleep, the recommended amount of exercise, the standard 40 hour work week, how much TV is bad, how much wine is good, etc.

Some ideals are indoctrinated into our culture, some change with new science or new administration. The food pyramid is now becoming a plate . . . maybe of donuts and teriyaki!

Growing up, few of us were ever taught how to tap into our place of calibration.  Instead we became part of the "clean plate club".  I know I’m still an honorary member at times, forcing down what life serves me without checking in to understand my own hunger.

Deep down we all have the wisdom and intuition to know what we need to feel balanced.  I invite you to think about what nutrients will help you to feel more balanced, remembering that sometimes the shift of weight in our lives can change by the day or by the hour.

Do you need to have more structure . . . or more freedom?

To take more risks  . . . or to feel more safe?

To take action . . . or to reflect more?

To connect . . . or to retreat?

To be inspired . . .or to get grounded?

To be heard . . . or to be open to receiving?

To take control . . . or to let go?

Maybe it’s time to take yourself out to lunch, check in . . .listen closely . . .  give yourself the gentle advice you need . . .  and then receive it.

Bon Apetite,
Amy
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What is Your Wish List

12/23/2011

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_Did you make one? I didn’t make a wish list for myself this year.  I didn’t think I needed or wanted anything.

Instead I’ve been focusing on chipping away at my loved ones’ wish lists.  Some are easier to fill than others. My husband sent me an Amazon link.  How efficient of him!  When my daughter was 6, her number one wish was a magic goat head that spit out money when you fed it a carrot.  

Whether or not people’s wishes are easy or hard to fulfill, it’s a gift to have a list to work from because it helps you make them happy.

Last night I decided to make my Wish List.  When my husband found it on the bathroom mirror this morning he said, “Isn’t this a little late?!”  

No, it’s not too late. Because it really wasn’t about getting anything on my list.  I wrote my list because~

~  It’s important to practice knowing what we desire.

~  It’s important to practice putting our desires into words.  

~  It’s important to ask for what we need.

~  It’s important to let people support us in life.

~  It’s important to receive.

Blessings this Holiday Season,
Amy
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    Amy Tirion
    About Me
    Advocate for Stillness, Seeker of Inspiration, Playful Mom, Lover of Creativity, Still Learning, Believer in Women,  Founder of Delight for the Soul

    Check Out My New Book Knowing Beautiful:
    A New Bedtime Story for Women

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    Becoming
    This blog is an invitation to stop.  Breathe.  And tap into the part of you that craves more space, inspiration, and nurturing.  It captures the writings from my Delight for the Soul Newsletter.  They are personal moments of reflection, inspiration, and questioning that focus on Being rather than Doing.  It's a direction we are all invited to go in, as we live deeply and do less.  The more we focus on being, the more delighted we become . . . and the more becoming we are.


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