If this day were completely yours to design, what would you do?

Last weekend was my birthday and I was given that exact gift. As the days whittled down to hours, I continued to struggle with my answer and my frustration grew.  Why don't I know what I want! Can you relate?   Here’s what I think:

Desires can feel distant:  We are not taught to tune into or give into our desires.  We are taught to be responsible. To be good.  To think of others.  To live in moderation.

Desires can feel selfish:  Desires are often attached to guilt.   That would be too indulgent.  What is the impact to others?  I’m not worthy.  I need to be productive.

Desires can feel stressful:  Even when we have clear desires, our time is so precious that we can feel paralyzed by options.  We operate out of a scarcity model, not getting enough sleep, exercise, time with our family or friends, time with ourselves.  Desire comes with pressure to make the ‘right’ decision.

It can be easier to ignore desires, but they are important.  True desires are not knee jerk reactions ~ they come from deep within and are whispers from our most authentic self, telling us what we need to feel inspired . . . .to feel balanced . . .to feel at peace.  Try using your next free hour or two this weekend to tap into this place of wisdom.

Be still . . .  breathe and wait for your desires to surface.  

Let go . . .  of the need to do the right thing, to be logical, to be in control.  Just listen and then act.  And if you need help to make it happen, ask for it!

Make the time . . . it’s an investment.  Any day that you are ready to make a desire a priority, it is ready to deliver the gift of fulfillment, fresh energy, and joy wrapped in a silver bow.

And it doesn’t have to be your birthday. 

I wasn't going to do a Mother's Day retreat this Sunday.  I had a sense of obligation to be traditional . . . you know, maybe brunch, a family walk, cards, adoration, togetherness.  Yet the closer Sunday is getting, the more my desire is brewing to call the shots.  After all, its our day!

Whether or not you are a mother, I invite you to use this day to fulfill an unspoken desire in honor of all us who are working hard to find our voice.

The fact is, our husbands and/or children would love some guidance on how to make us brilliantly happy on Sunday.  So make sure you give them the gift of spelling it out.  And for me, celebrating YOU, would be my perfect Mother's Day. 

Otherwise, you could get what I received yesterday . . .a knock on the door from an FTD florist, who handed me a box.  I quickly began to savor the moment while opening the box, pulling out a "Hanging Spring Basket" of silk and plastic flowers.  Dumbfounded, I read the card.  It was from my husband with a beautiful message from the heart.

I had a choice to make at that moment.  What would you do?  I decided to receive it lovingly with a gentle question, "Honey, did you know you bought me plastic flowers for Mother's Day?"

His answer kept me teetering in ambivalence, "Are you kidding?  I bought them so we didn't lose airline miles.  The ad said nothing about being fake!" Honestly, his sincere love note was worth the means of delivery.

I am taking him off the hook, as well as my year-round bouquet, and inviting you to join me this Mother's Day to play, celebrate, rest, connect, and honor the fine craft of motherhood ~ a job, a gift, a duty, a blessing.

I hope your Sunday is joy-filled!

What is feeling big in your life right now?

My daughter got a new bike for her birthday.  It feels big. Really big for her tiny frame.  And she's excited!  I joined her on her maiden voyage this week, coaching and watching from behind as she tackled the San Fransisco hills with her new hand brakes and gears, dodged trash cans on narrow sidewalks, boldly entered four-way intersections, navigated bike lanes, and just barely missed a few dogs.

She did it all with quiet determination, grace, and bravery.

I realized that when we are children, facing something big is almost a daily part of life.  We have fears, we fall down, get bruised, cry, get up, and get back on our 'bikes'.  It becomes a natural process that we don't question, because we know we are kids growing up. 

And then we 'grow up' and somehow we take on the idea that the world should fit us.  And when it feels too big, we try to fit life into a box labeled "comfortable".  We start living safely.  So safely, that when we fall down, recovery can often feel insurmountable.

I think I'm going to give the word 'grown up' a rest.  I want to embrace myself as a work in progress.  I invite you to join me.  Let's compassionately sit with feelings that we think we should have out grown: feeling awkward, off balance, afraid, embarrassed, exposed, judged, small.

We now have the wisdom of age which should give us more comfort:  We know we are all in this together.  People really don't care. Or at least won't remember.  Life is short.

So let's not make it small too . . . what size bike are you riding?  I hope it's one that has room to grow.

The New Year is here.  And today I have a question burning the tip of my tongue.  What is your relationship with indulgence?  Do you like the word? What's so bad about being indulgent?  To be indulgent is defined as: To take pleasure in; To satisfy the wishes of; To give in to.* 

This morning my seven year old daughter was trying to convince me to make her six pancakes so she could stack them.  I insisted that she make and eat one at a time.  Finally she looked me in the eyes and said, "Mommy, everything is better with 6!  Like 6 flowers in a bouquet. Like 6 members in a family!  Like 6 dice in Yatzee!"

As I write, my husband is out with buddies in the parking lot of Tennessee Valley grilling his homemade bacon and eggs and brewing coffee before mountain biking.

My family seems to be quite comfortable with indulgence.  Again, defined as: an inability to resist the gratification of whims and desires.* 

I believe women are uniquely wired to resist gratification unless we consciously work at it. And the cost of denying ourselves often impacts our health, our relationships, our own sense of self, our inner joy.

So my New Year's wish for you is to listen carefully to your whispers of want.  Let indulgence be a part of your lexicon. Embrace it once in a while and see how it spills over into life around you.